


Lost and Found

by TraTra



Category: Cheryl/Toni - Fandom, choni - Fandom
Genre: Anxiety, F/F, Long lost love, M/M, Manipulation, Panic Attack, Pill Usage, Slow Burn, Smut, amensia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:14:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 31,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25633396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TraTra/pseuds/TraTra
Summary: “That name…” the woman whispered. The sadness in her tone was profound. She could almost hear the cracks in the woman’s heart. “You’ve spoken that name so many times in your sleep I’ve lost count.”The guilty woman gulped. Brows furrowed in confusion.I’ve called that name in my sleep?“But never...never while we were...Until now.”The woman released a hard shuddering breath before lifting her slender body off the bed, shuffling to the bathroom across the room.The guilty woman watches her, wishing she could find words, any words to say or to explain. But the shock of this unknown revelation had her disoriented.Who is Cher?
Relationships: Cheryl Blossom/Toni Topaz, Cheryl/Toni, Choni - Relationship, Toni/Cheryl, Veronica Lodge/Josie McCoy
Comments: 80
Kudos: 169





	1. I'll Never Love Again

**Author's Note:**

> I first want to give a warning before anyone reads for signs of a panic and anxiety mid chapter.
> 
> Now...Hello there!
> 
> I've been wanting to write this fic for a while now. But I decided not to post it because I saw that there was an amnesia fic already posted on here. So, after months of debate and realizing my version is totally different from the version already posted. 
> 
> I have been inspired to write a Choni fic by some of these awesome Choni writers on here and finally took the plunge. 
> 
> Let me know what you Choni lovers think! Enjoy1

“Mmmm…”

“Y-yeah...Right there”

“Ooh...Baby...Don’t stop"

“Cher…”

Roaming hands freeze over and in her body. She watches through squinted eyes and panting breaths as the woman hovering over her climbs off her to sit on its edge. Shoulders slump as if defeated in a battle.

The guilt riddled woman slides up the bed and presses her back against the tufted headboard, searching her foggy mind for the right thing to say as she runs her jittering fingers through her hair. She curses under her breath. Confused and shocked by the name that breathlessly curled off her tongue. She glances at the woman next to her. Her hunched shoulders now shaking.

“That name…” the woman whispered. The sadness in her tone was profound. She could almost hear the cracks in the woman’s heart. “You’ve spoken that name so many times in your sleep I’ve lost count.”

The guilty woman gulped. Brows furrowed in confusion.

_I’ve called that name in my sleep?_

“But never...never while we were...Until now.”

The woman released a hard shuddering breath before lifting her slender body off the bed, shuffling to the bathroom across the room.

The guilty woman watches her, wishing she could find words, any words to say or to explain. But the shock of this unknown revelation had her disoriented.

Who is Cher?

xoxoxoxoxoxo

“And that’s why I don’t eat shrimp.”

The low guttural chuckle coming from Cheryl’s throat was forced. Unlike the woman’s hearty laugh after telling her the complete dull and uneventful story of how seafood makes her swell up like a beach ball.

Laughter is something that she rarely does anymore. Not wholeheartedly anyway.

The traumatic event of five years ago took that emotion away from her being; replacing it with loss and sorrow and pain and regret and Guilt.

So much Guilt.

These are emotions that Cheryl doesn’t mind feeling. Cause feeling anything else would be a betrayal to her heart and soul...to Toni.

The loud whisper of spoken words and laughter mingled with the saxophone playing soft jazz on the tiny stage behind her pulls her slightly back to the woman her friend Kevin had set her up on a date with. Even though she’d rather be home sketching or working, she decided not to be rude. And Kevin’s a good friend. In his own way, he was trying to look out for her. But this, she felt, was not it.

_“Being a hermit isn’t healthy. You need to get back out there, Cheryl. Toni would want you to be happy.” He said the last part tentatively. “It’s been five years.”_

_“Mourning has no time stamp Kevin!” Cheryl snapped. Causing Kevin’s head to slowly fall to the floor before his face cringed under the combative snarl. “I know...I’m sorry…”_

She knew he didn’t deserve that chasting, but she was getting tired of people telling her how to feel, or what to do, and how to do it. She just wanted to Be. Be left in whatever device or devices that get her through the days. If that meant lying in bed half the day and crying; which occasionally occurs, she does it. If that meant drinking till all thought and memory has dispelled her brain, she does it. Coping definitely not her strong suit.

But today, because of her dear sweet friend Kevin, and also because he didn’t deserve her reprimand four days ago, she attempts to entertain the woman whom she notices is attractive her attention.

“So, how long have you lived in LA?” Cheryl asks. Making sure she controls the conversation. The last thing she wants is for this woman to ask her anything about herself. Her past, present, or future.

_What future Cheryl? You had one. Now it’s gone._

Cheryl clears her throat. Picks up her wine glass and takes a huge gulp of the dark red liquid. Forcing her thoughts away from what normally harbours inside to focus on the voice in front of her. She takes one more large sip before placing it back on the white linen table in between them, glancing at how the candle flame flickers, dancing in an offbeat rhythm to the flow of the table. Much like her interest.

As the attractive woman spoke, Cheryl watched as her olive skin lit against the soft lights of the restaurant.

Not Toni’s. Strike one.

Her dark brown hair pulled back neatly in a long straight ponytail exposing the round curvature of her face.

Not pink. Strike two.

Hooded grey eyes danced under long black lashes that blinked entirely too much for Cheryl’s liking.

Ugh. Not dark brown and enchanting. Strike three.

_Well,I tried._

White even teeth flash with every syllable spoken while smile lines crease around cheekbones. She wore a simple black dress. Not too revealing; capped sleeved with a sweetheart neckline. Much akin to the dress Cheryl wore, except her sleeves hugged her elbows.

_Toni would look beautiful wearing it. Dammit! I have to get out of here!_

In another lifetime, Cheryl would have flirted the brakes off this lovely specimen before her. But she’s ruined. Tarnished. No one is good enough or ever will be. Nor ever want them to be.

Her heart and soul is held captive to one. One who only resides in the same way Jason and Nana Rose resides now. She had her chance with love. But no more. It lies coldly beside death.

Along with her heart.

Cheryl was seized back to the present with a wave from a french manicured hand inches from her face. Her eyes darted forward at the action. Slightly embarrassed by her lack of courtesy given to her companion.

“I apologize. My attentiveness lacks...well...let’s just say I should be more appreciative of my company.”

She smiles. It’s a pretty smile, but not the smile she wishes was before her.

“It’s fine. Either my game is lacking, or I have to compete with that necklace around your neck girl.”

She looks down and notices her left hand is gripping the cherry that dangles around a thin silver snake chain.

A surprised gasp escapes Cheryl’s throat. She hadn't even noticed. But subconsciously this was an occurring thing. She would catch her friends quietly glancing at her and betwixt each other during their outings after she habitually rubs the ruby red diamond with her thumb and forefinger. They dared not say anything, nor would she dare them to. But the look of pity Cheryl had chosen to believe it was she saw creased on their faces every time this occurred forced her to release her fingers from it; only for those fingers to be unconsciously returned again and again. At another time and another day.

“It’s okay…” the attractive woman says. Her voice soft with understanding. “Kevin mentioned your loss. How long has it been?”

Cheryl looks down. Her grief is still fresh.

She snags the Bordeaux glass from the table, watching as a small amount spills from clear crystal. Marking the crisp white linen with a patch of the red hue. She takes a sip, then swirls the liquid in its glass, watching as it sloshed in its confines. She’s debating to answer her question. Cognizant to the reaction she will receive. Knowing full well what talking about this does to her. She stiffens her back. Response slightly above a whisper.

“Five years.”

If it wasn’t for the music and the light chatter of voices she would have sworn she heard a gasp from her date.

And from that reaction, a reaction as small and as slight as it was; a reaction she’s heard a thousand times before, causes anger and frustration and guilt to wash over Cheryl.

_Mourning has no time stamp._

_Since when was grieving a crime?!_

_Oh God...Too many emotions at once._

_Breath Cheryl!_

She’s heard the shock from people before. It was nothing new, but this time it was different. She was a betrayer to her heart. A Judas.

She’s out. On a date! With another woman!

_Forgive me Toni._

She felt the tears prick the corners of her eyes.

_Mourning has no time stamp!_

_How Dare this woman judge me!_

_How Dare Kevin discuss my personal life with this stranger!_

Anger begins to cloud her logic. Frustration seizes her body.

"I should Not have agreed to this."

Guilt overcomes her.

_Sorry Toni._

Cheryl was losing control.

Feeling all her tangled web of emotions win the battle, she slams her wine glass on the table, the remainder of the Merlot splashing out from its glass like a big wave on an ocean to the ruined fabric, spotlighting its remnants in front of them on the table. Cheryl flies from out of her chair. The sounds scraping across the floor are muffled by the sounds of the restaurant.

She had to get out of there!

A pain struck across her stomach.

_Breath!_

She should not have agreed to this. She wasn’t ready. She never will be.

_Oh God it’s happening again!_

The attractive woman jumps up.. She reaches out to her.

“Cheryl, I’m sor…”

Cheryl hears the regret permeating in her voice. She’d done nothing wrong, but it didn’t matter. The damage was done. She was done. She had to get out of there.

Lungs tighter with each passing second. Heart racing.

_Oh God! It’s happening again!_

She forces down a lump in her throat before lifting a finger to silence the woman. “This was a mistake. Goodnight.” She pronounces with the last bit of resolve she could muster.

She had to catch her breath. She grabbed her purse and power walked towards the restaurant exit, nearly stumbling over a waiter as she headed for the exit. She felt like a huge hand was squeezing her chest.

She burst through the glass doors, scrambling, running up the sidewalk, nearly breaking the heel of her Jimmy Choos before coming to a stop, hunched over, one hand pressed against her thigh, the other clawing at her throat, heaving, trembling, fighting for life.

_‘Breath Cheryl...Breath Baby…’_

She heard her.

_‘Listen to my voice...Close your eyes.’_

She obeys. She closes her eyes then draws a tight slow breath from the back of her throat.

_‘Now exhale.’_

She quivered, releasing a hard wheezing breath.

_‘Good girl...now another...in…’_

Shakily Cheryl slowly inhales.

_‘Now out...That’s it. You doing so good baby…Just keep breathing…’_

The sound of her voice soothing her the way it always did when these episodes arose.

_‘In…'_

She inhales

_‘Out…’_

She exhales

Each breath calmer than the next.

_‘I’m right here Cher. Just keep breathing. One breath at a time.’_

The raspy voice in her ear fading...fading until the attack subsided, her breathing normalized, her chest unclenched.

Yet her heart still ached. Ached for the ghost that invaded her psyche.

xoxoxoxoxo

Cheryl rolls the black tinted window down halfway and rests her head on the leather headrest with a tired sigh and closes her eyes, allowing the light breeze to cool her face and neck. The panic attack left her drained, and all she wanted to do was head home, take a long bath, and sleep.

“Apologies Ms Blossom, but I am going to have to make a quick stop for gas.”

Cheryl pops her eyes open. She notices her driver doesn’t make eye contact for fear of seeing the look of irritation on her face. The fatigue from the events that occurred nearly fifteen minutes ago saves his ass of a proper chastisement from her. She simply rolls her eyes and responds, “Very well.”

The nervous driver pulls her black Rolls into the nearest gas station and turns off the ignition. “Andre…” She calls before he exits. Forcing his eyes in her direction.“Don’t let it happen again.” “Yes Ms Blossom. Sorry Ms Blossom.” With that he closes the door and she watches him jog inside the store, irritated as to why he didn't just pay with the gas card she gave him for reasons such as this at the pump.

With a groan, she closes her eyes again; listens to the cars zip pass on the road, an occasional horn honking, music blasting and fading past ear shot, the sound of footsteps and laughter around her nearby.

_Dammnit Andre hurry up!_

As if her demand was heard by him, he rushes out the store and goes through the motions of pumping the gas.

“Finally.” She grunts, annoyed by the sounds around her.

A few minutes past before he hops back into the car, glancing back at Cheryl through the rear view mirror before cranking up and slowly rolling off. Just as she was about to remind him that his negligence wasn’t to be tolerated again her words caught in her throat. Her brow furrowed with confusion.

_Is it…_

Her heart stopped. Time stopped.

_Could it be? No, it can’t be…_

_Turn around...turn around dammit...Please!_

She watched desperately. Her car sped up. Inching farther away from the gas station.

Just as the car veered off into the road, long brown curls danced around shoulders as a head turned in the direction of Cheryl’s car.

And she was out of sight.

Was she seeing things? Was this a figment of her imagination? What? Why? How?

_Have I truly lost my mind?_

_Am I seeing what I desperately wish to see?_

_Yes, Cheryl you are. You’ve had a rough night. You’re tired._

Cheryl grips her necklace tightly between her fingers, closes her eyes and shuts out her thoughts.

Suddenly,a jolt struck her heart. Her body tingles and shivers. She gasps.

_‘Toni…’_

**“Andre Go Back!”**


	2. Every Time I Close My Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!  
> I wasn't planning on posting chapter 2 so soon, but here it is. My plan is to post a chapter once a week. Not quite sure what day yet. Apologies for any typos.
> 
> Let me know what you guys think.

Dreams of the unfamiliar have been constant since she’s been in L.A. 

However, it’s not the dreams that keep her up **this** night. 

Albeit, it could easily be a dream as much as the memory from five hours ago keeps haunting her. 

But **why**? 

What was so special about a Rolls Royce? It’s L.A. She’s seen those plenty of times up and down these streets. Hell, she’s even been driven in one before. So what’s so special about this vehicle? 

Why was she so drawn to it?

And then it hit her. It wasn’t the car, but rather who was in the car.

The window was down partially in the back, but by the time she looked up all she could see was a blur of red. And just as quickly, before she could focus, the car-person in tow was out of sight. 

Gone.

Just like her dreams.

She took a deep breath, glanced at the silhouette in the bed across the room stir before walking out to the open balcony. She revels in the cool breeze tossing her hair gently around her jaw, a few strands feathering her lips before tucking them behind her ears. She leans her waist on the iron railing, curls her hands around it on either side of her and releases a sigh.

After working tirelessly for months on her book, she should be excited to be on vacation. But the cruel reality is that she’s not. In fact, working is the only time she is happy. The only time she feels familiar...like herself.

Work her only escape. Her only truth. 

Everything else about her life feels like a lie. Even the beautiful woman that shares her bed every night for the past year and a half resides in that lie. Being swallowed whole along with her. 

She’s been distant with the woman since the vacation began four days ago. More so than she usually is lately. Things between them have been strained since she called out another woman’s name during sex a week ago. 

“Shit.” She curses under her breath. Hating herself for not releasing this woman from her life. 

Even though the woman has been there for her through **_everything_ **, she cannot give her what she desires. 

She’s selfish, allowing her fear of being alone to keep the woman dangling. Having her to hope for something she can’t give her. As much of a saint the woman is, she cannot return the woman’s affections. 

She likes to blame the amnesia, but deep down in the recesses of her being she knows that that’s not the reason. 

Nonetheless, she owes this woman her life. From the beginning, she was there for her when no one else was. Lost and vulnerable and alone.

And afraid. Very afraid. 

But through it all the patient/doctor turned doctor/lover helped her cope with her debilities by visiting her when she woke up from her coma between her shifts at the hospital, and was there to help her cope with her amnesia. She was there during her physical therapy sessions; even put up with her on those days when she lashed out at her in frustration. And she was the one who helped her deal with the idea that she may never get her memory back. 

But lately, accepting that fact is becoming harder and harder to procure. Especially when the dreams are becoming more vivid. Broken but vivid. The visions are even appearing while awake now. And since being in California, they won’t let up. 

  
  


Her mind goes back to the moment at the gas station. Recalls the tingling shiver that ran up her spine when she saw the brief but blurry features of the individual in the back seat of the Rolls Royce.

“Who was it?” She whispers.

  
  


She looks down, marvels at how ant-like the people look twenty floors below. She scans across the beautiful landscape as it cascades and blends with the night. Tall dark buildings towering over smaller ones as cars careen the streets underneath them. The tapestry of lights twinkling, blanketing the night, giving the city skyline a greyish purple hue. From where she’s standing, she can see for miles in every direction. A never ending allure. 

_Maybe I should look for this mystery person.._

She scoffs, looking out into the wide panorama before her.

_Where would I even begin?_

Wanting to capture the beauty before her, she saunters in the hotel room quietly,using the light from the balcony to lead her way. She shuffles in her camera bag that lay against the wall near the mini bar. After finding the right lens, she grabs her camera,letting the strap drape around her neck, and tip toe back to the balcony. 

She smiles at the California night’s beauty, breathes in the warm breeze and aims the camera in front of her. Angling it in the right position for the perfect shot. **_Click_ **

The car from earlier today flashes to her mind

She focuses on another camera angle. **_Click_ **

Sees dark eyes

**_Click_ **

She sees colors. 

**_Click_ **

_Never been in color before. Black and white. Always black and white. Now..._

She sees red. Her body shivers

**_Click_ **

Red hair

**_Click_ **

Red lips

**_Click_ **

Sees blinding lights

**_Click_ **

Hear horns blaring

**_Click_ **

Bloody hands

**_Click_ **

A scream

Darkness

**_Click_ **

“Ahhh…”

The strap of the camera tugs around the back of her neck before it falls and slams below her breasts. She looks down. Watches her chest rise and fall. She raises her quivering hands and turns them to look at her palms, burying her face in them as she sobs quietly. A whirlwind of emotions swirls her being. Lost and vexed. Frustration and confusion. Broken snapshots tormenting her mind. Her soul trapped and jumbled in it all.

“Lover?”

Her back stiffens. Lifts her head back to fight against the tears. She grabs the collar of her night shirt with trembling fingers to wipe her face. She feels warm arms wrap around her waist with a welcoming inhale of a tremble breath.

“Dreams again?”

She closes her eyes and exhale. 

“Just enjoying the night air.” 

Her voice and trembling body proving the statement a lie.

She feels the woman’s embrace leave her, immediately wrapping her arms around herself to makeup for the lost warmth. A half a minute later she’s back enveloping her again.

“Here Love. Take these”

She holds her hand out and place two small capsules in them. Hesitantly, she pops them into her mouth and grabs the bottled water that the woman offers her. 

“You’ll feel better soon.” The woman cooed while rubbing her hand up and down her left arm. 

  
  


“Now, come back to bed. It'll be over soon.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Xoxoxoxoxoxo**

Everytime she wakes up from her pill induced sleep she feels like shit. Her tongue thick, her head fuzzy, and no dreams. 

To be honest, they don’t make her feel any better at all. They just suppress her dreams. There was a time when she feared those scenes of misfit images and broken pieces, but lately she’s been anxious to piece together those separated fragments. And she feels that Los Angeles, California is the place to help her solve this mystery that is **Her**. 

She slides out of bed, a grunt escaping her throat as she tries to stretch the stiffness from her small body; limbs popping. Her phone vibrates on the nightstand beside her. She gives her shoulders one final stretch and pop before reaching for it and unlocking it to read the text message.

_(Heather) Went for a jog. Be back in an hour. (kissy face emoji)_

After reading it, she checks her notifications. Sighing deeply as she does. Although she loves her work, her agent can be a bit of a nuisance. She specifically told him that she did not want to be disturbed on this vacation, yet here he is sending her two voicemails. She opens the first one.

_Hey, it’s me. So, I have some news you are going to LOVE to hear. Your book,_ **_Photographs of Once Before_** _is number 9 on the NY Times Bestselling List! Congrats Baby! We did It! Woo Hoo! Got a bottle of Dom Perignon with your name on it. Luv Ya! Talk soon._

“This is awesome news. So why am I not ecstatic.” She says aloud to herself as she presses the button to listen to the next voicemail.

_“Hey, it’s me again. So, I know we agreed that the next ten days were for some much needed R & R, but an opportunity has arisen that you cannot pass up. And it’s in L.A.! You are like in L.A. Right now. As I speak. Perfect! _

He chuckles before continuing. 

_This can literally turn you into the next Annie Leibovitz! I’ve forwarded you the email. Read It. Respond to it ASAP! And say YES! Luv Ya! Talk soon.”_

She sighs and taps the email notification on her phone. Opens the forwarded email and reads it.

  
  
  


_Hello,_

_Let me just say that I am a huge fan of your work. Being as I too dabble in the world of art, I can truthfully say that I know magnificence when I see it. And you are magnificent!_

She smirks knowingly and continues to read the email.

_I have been following you ever since you released your first collection at the FLAG Art Foundation in New York. Your photographs moved me to tears. Somehow; someway; for some reason beyond reasoning they connected me to a time I once shared. Happy. Fulfilled. Promising. And Loved. Thank you for that._

A sadness punched her chest.

_Every year I host a benefit to raise scholarship funds for young people who wish to pursue art after they graduate. Fortunately, the event has gained notoriety since its beginnings three years ago._ **_Fortune Magazine_ ** _wants to write a piece about me, my company, and the scholarship program. However, I only agreed to it if I could choose my own photographer. They agreed, and I choose you! I believe you are the only photographer that can capture the essence of what I want the world to see and know of me and my company._

_It would be an honor if you’d say yes!_

_Unfortunately, you have 24 hours to respond as I am on a tight schedule. You will be paid handsomely should you accept._

_Below is my contact information._

_I look forward to hearing from you._

  
  


_Cheryl Blossom-CEO_

_The Blossom Maple Corporation_

  
  


Making sure her eyes weren’t playing tricks on her, she skimmed over the email again. Excitement washed over her.

Being that she loved her work and enjoyed working even more she hardly ever passed up a job. All but one time a few years back, when she was trying to make a name for herself she turned down a job that wanted some distasteful pictures of women for their website. She didn’t want her portfolio to have work like that attached to it. 

But this was not one of those times. Her pictures were going to be in **Fortune Magazine** ! And The Maple Corporation, one of the richest companies in the United States asked her _personally_ to take those photos! 

This was a game changer!

Feeling much more elated for this privilege and honor than the first bit of news of her book rising six spots since its debut one month ago she replies a response.

_Dear Ms Blossom,_

_Thank you for the generous opportunity you have bestowed upon me. It would be an honor to capture you!..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! So what ya thinking? LMK


	3. You Remind Me of What I've Been Missing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys I'm back with another chapter!
> 
> I just want to thank everyone for the kudos and comments. They are so greatly appreciated! I know some of you are anticipating when Toni and Cheryl meet, but be patient please. you won't have to wait soon. But this chapter is important to the story. Especially understanding how Toni has lived with Heather during her memory loss. 
> 
> T/W: Mentions of pill usage. 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy and LMK what you thinking.

“Cheryl...hey. Wassup. We were about to get ready for bed but …”

"She's alive Josie! Toni is alive!" Cheryl shrieks as she zips past her best friend to enter her home.

Josie closes the door behind her uninvited guest. Preparing her brain to talk her girl off the ledge of this unrealistic truth again. Last time she had to do this was about three years ago. It might have been the hardest thing she ever had to do in her 25 years of living. 

“She’s alive Josie! Toni is Alive!” She rushes out. Her hands flailing above her head.

“What! Che…”

“No Josie she is! I saw her!

“Ok... Ok. Calm down sweetie.come here. Sit down.” The worry curling from her tongue evident as she directs her friend to the sectional sofa. “Now tell me what happened.”

“Jo baby…”the duo’s heads simultaneously turn in the direction of the voice that exits from the bedroom. “What’s all the commotion? Oh, Cheryl hey. You come to tell us about how fabu your date was...wait what's wrong!” Veronica rushes over to the sofa and slides on the other side of Cheryl. She places her hand in the middle of her back and begins to rub small calming circles. “Date that bad huh? I told Kevin let me help him set you up.”

Cheryl turns in her direction. “Toni’s alive V!”

Veronica’s hand freezes mid circle on Cheryl’s back. “What?” Confusion and fear laced in both her tone and face.

Cheryl frantically nods her head. “I saw her. She’s alive!”

Veronica and Josie give each other a sad knowing smile. It hurts the both of them to see their best friend this way. Tentatively Josie speaks ”Cher sweetie…” 

“No! No! Josie! It was different this time. I felt her Here” She puts her hand over her heart. 

“Ok, alright...tell us everything. Start from the beginning” says Veronica

"Well… she takes a shuddering breath before continuing, "you know I had that blind date Kevin set me up with. And the entire time I kept comparing her to Toni. I began to have so much guilt for being out with another woman. 

I felt like I was cheating on my TT. But I tried pushing all that stuff to the side and the second I tried she started to judge me for not being with anyone since Toni. I began to have one of my... episodes so I stormed out the restaurant. That's when I heard her voice. It felt like she was right there. Guiding me through it. Guiding me back to calm." Cheryl smiles as if going back to that exact place in time.

"So, after I regained my bearings, I had Andre pick me up and he had the audacity to stop for gas." She scoffs."Even though I wanted to fire him for his negligence I'm so glad it happened. Because just as we were driving off, I saw her. She was walking out of the store. Her hair wasn't pink as it used to be but it was her. I know it was. I felt it." Her fingers gravitate to the cherry red pendant attached to the silver snake chain. And her two best friends look at each other with sad eyes. Debating which one of them would be the one to tell her the truth. 

Josie's mouth stutters open, but before a word escapes Veronica grabs both of Cheryl's hands into her own. She looks at eyes that glisten with tears that have not yet fallen. And it fills her with despair. Causes tears of her own to form.

"Cheryl… “she says her name on a whispered breath. "You had a rough night, and wh-what you saw...who y-you saw was…"

"No!" Cheryl snatches her hands from Veronica's grasp. "It was her. It was Toni. My TT is alive!"

"Ok…" Josie speaks and Cheryl tilts her head to her. “Describe her to us babe. How did she look? Did you speak to her?”

Cheryl runs her Shaky fingers through her hair. "Uhm...there was a woman. She had light brown hair." 

"Ok, what else about her did you see? You get a good look of her face?"

"Uh… Cheryl takes a deep shaky breath. "No, n-not really. I made Andre circle back to the gas station but she was gone by the time we entered the parking lot.” She says with sorrow.

But it was Toni. I know it was her!" She rushes out. 

"Uhm...Cher" Veronica says "Do you think because of how overwhelming the night was that maybe you thought you saw Toni?" 

"What! You think I'm crazy Veronica?"

"No. Of course I dont. Do we Josie?"

"You know we don't think that sweetie. We just care about you is all. I think that because this is your first date since Toni's…Disappearance...that with the panic attack and you hearing her voice calm you down from your episode that it's normal to experience what you felt tonight." "Think about it sweetie."

Cheryl grew quiet. Battling her fatigue and struggling with the logic of what her friends were saying and what she saw and felt. 

Maybe her friends were right. Maybe she just saw what she wanted to see. Felt the presence of the love of her life because of the emotional wreck she was tonight. 

She shook her head and rubbed her eyes with the heel of her hand. "Maybe you're right. It has been a long day." 

"Yeah... it has. It's late, why don't you stay the night. Are you hungry? Jo can make you a sandwich while I get the guest bedroom setup for you?" 

With a tired nod Cheryl agreed. Maybe she was just seeing what she wished she could see. Maybe that woman she saw at the gas station wasn't Toni. 

  
  
  


_But it felt so real._

  
  
  
  
  
  


**XOXOXOXOXO**

  
  
  


“Are you sure that you aren’t upset with me accepting this job on our vacation?” I know how much you’ve been looking forward to us spending some time together.”

Heather swallows the last bit of her mimosa before answering. “I won’t lie and say that I’m not a bit disappointed, but I also would be a terrible girlfriend if I didn’t want you to accept a job that could propel your career to the next level. Although I am surprised you are accepting this type of photography job. What happened to you being all mysterious and shit?” 

“Well…” She chuckles as she stabs a cube of honey dew with her fork, “the mysterious allure of the artist behind the work is partly what got me this far. But lately…” she says as she chews the piece of fruit, “I’ve been thinking about coming from behind the curtain. By the way, wasn’t it your idea to go all incognito anyway?”

Heather looks up at her with eyes that her lover swore harboured fear and something else she couldn't explain. Something she’s never seen before. 

She reaches across the table and grabs the photographers hand and runs her thumb across her knuckles. “I don’t wanna lose you baby.”

The photographer froze. The slight rigidness of her posture brought uneasiness to the blond. 

Heather slides her hand from hers. She calls for the waiter with that same hand to bring her a shot of vodka to the quaint little table they reside at. She doesn’t speak until her drink is sat before her. 

Her eyes trained on the contents around her before looking back up at her companion. “You called her name again last night.”

The photographer slams her back into her seat with a rough-hewed brow. 

Heather picks up her shot glass. Glances at the clear liquid before her eyes bore into her lovers. “Are you taking your pills?” It came out as a question, but the look on her face proved that she already knew the answer to her own question.

The photographer boldly answers her with no reserve in her tone. “What if I said no?”

Heather hums before throwing back the clear liquor into her mouth. The bitterness of it hits the back of her throat. Allows it to calm her own reserves before asking. “Why?”

With a tone that matches the crudeness of her brow she snares, "Well for starters I hate the way I feel afterwards. They give me headaches. And I wake up feeling groggy and confused. I'm not taking them anymore. Three nights ago on the hotel balcony was the last time. No more pills." She drops her fork. The clanking sound of it hitting her plate struck Heather like a gavel in her ears. Signaling the finality of her decision.

"Wait, what's happening here? Why do I feel like you're making me out to be some kind of villain."

"What! No. Wh-where is this coming from?"

"Oh I don't know, my girlfriend just told me I'm getting her high!" 

"Ok first of all...calm the fuck down. People are staring."

"Ok ok I'm sorry." She takes a deep breath. "I didn't mean it like that. It's just that...l-I feel like I’m losing you. I thought this vacation was going to be good for us. Get us back on track. We haven’t even had sex since we been here”.

“That’s not true.”

“Oh, so me eating you out the first night we got to LA qualifies?”

The photographer doesn’t say anything. Just crosses her arms and shrugs.

Heather sighs, gets up from the chair she’s sitting in and slides it beside the brunette. She places a tanned hand on a jean clad thigh. “You’ve been mentally, physically, and emotionally distant from me for months now, and it can’t all be blamed on your work. I don't wanna lose you"

"How is suppressing my dreams going to result in you losing me? Huh?”

"There was a time when you didn't want to know."

"Perhaps those were the pills talking."

Heather takes her hand from the brunette’s thigh. She opens her mouth to speak, but the photographer continues

“Babe, these...dreams...these... Snippets of this stuff I see have something to do with my past. I can’t not see them. I see them everywhere. I think about them everyday...see them all the time....E-even now. And those pills are keeping me away from that.”

  
  


“Am I going to lose you?” heather murmurs. A tear slides down her cheek.

“I-I don’t know if you ever truly had me. Not the real me anyway.”

A breath gets caught in her throat. The realization of what is happening causes the river of tears to flood down her cheeks. And with an unstable breath she says the three words that she knows can’t be reciprocated. But prays that maybe they can turn the tide in her favor

“I love you.”

The photographer doesn't say anything. Just watches as the waterfall slid from her lover’s cheeks and drops on the back of her hand. 

"I might not have known the you before me, but I know the you before me now. And this one is pretty great. She's caring, smart, super talented, and the best lover I've ever had."

The photographer smirks at that. 

"I love you baby. I love _this_ you. No other version matters."

"Heather... the photographer stammers. Struggles with her truth and her fear. "I-I..."

"Who was there to nurse you back to health?" The doctor turned lover doubles down. Desperation rolling past her tongue and out her lips as her frantic words blast her lover with all the shortcomings she knows her to harness in her psyche. 

"Who was there to sit next to you in the hospital when you were in a coma for two months? Who was there when your seizures were so bad you couldn't sleep at night. Who held you up when you had to learn how to walk again? Who was there? Tell me” She demands in a loud whisper. “Me. That's who. I was. No one else. No one came looking for you. It's been five years and not a single social media post. Nothing."

"Heather that's not fair and you know it" the distraught artist fights to control the trembling in her voice, but it's for not.

"You know what's not fair? This world. If You want to be out there in it **alone** then go. I won't be there for you when you see how lonely it is without someone. You're gonna need those dreams to keep you company then baby!"

The photographer looks at the woman with a face full of shock that morphs into confusion.

She takes a frustrated yet shaky breath then runs her fingers through her curls, tugging at them slightly. An ocean wave of vulnerabilities crash her body from head to toe. Then reality settles in and around her like a halo.

_She’s right._

_I can’t do this alone._

_I need her._

_I have no one else._

  
  


Are these fragmented dreams that could possibly be linked to her past as important as her crippling fears of being abandoned and alone in her present and possibly her future?

  
  
  


So right then and there, as she sat in the quaint little restaurant, the photographer splayed bare where she sat beside her girlfriend,made her decision. 

  
  
  
  


"Ok... I'll take the pills." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**XOXOXOXOXO**

  
  
  


X

That’s how she identifies herself. No name. No pictures. Nothing. 

Just X

  
  


Cheryl had been searching the internet, scouring magazine articles, and calling art galleries for days trying to find out more about this infamous photographer on the rise to stardom. She reached a dead end at every inquiry. No one had met this person. Only seen their work. 

She leaned back in her chair with a frustrated sigh before a soft knock was at her office door. 

“Come in.” She commands. Irritation clearly in her tone. 

Her assistant peeks her head apprehensively through the door.

“Yes, Rebecca please tell me you have good news for me?”

“Well…” Rebecca walks the short distance to the chair in front of the desk her boss sits in and takes a seat. “Yes and no.”

Cheryl furrows her brows. “What do you mean? Explain yourself.”

“Well Ms Blossom, I spoke with the artist’s agent on the phone and he said that it’s in his contract to not reveal the identity of his client.”

“Ok…” Cheryl getting more frustrated by the second. “And…”

“However, I contacted the publisher of the photographer’s book. And she informed me that the artist is female.”

Cheryl crossed her legs and settled into the back of her chair comfortably. 

At least it was something. Slightly content with the morsel of news received she dismissed her assistant. 

  
  


Since the events that occurred three days prior, Cheryl made a decision to put that night behind her; pretend that it didn’t happen, and pour every ounce of herself into her work. And work she had plenty of. Sure she knew that she would be meeting this photographer face to face next week, but she wanted to dig a bit deeper into the artist. She made it her business to know who she was working with. Especially someone who she would be working this intimately with. After all, this "X" person would be taking personal shots of her. 

The red head skims through a copy of the artist's book atop her desk. Imagining what kind of woman would take pictures so profound it strikes to her very soul.

Just then two soft knocks rap at her door followed by a white handkerchief waving past the cracked door. 

"Come in Kevin." She says with an amused tone.

He slides in, a sheepish grin across his lips. "How did you know it was me?"

  
  


"I could smell your cologne before you came through the door. And who else would be begging for a truce from me?" 

Somberly he says, "For what it's worth I'm sorry. That's actually why I'm here. To take you out for an apology lunch."

"No need to apologise dear Kevin. I'm not mad...anymore. At least you knew to keep your distance for a few days."

Kevin chuckles, folding his handkerchief in a neat little square before stuffing it into the breast pocket of his navy blazer. 

"Are you ok? Josie told me what happened." He says concerned.

"Yes...all is well. Work helps."

Kevin glances down at the book splayed in front of her. "Any luck in finding out who the mysterious photographer is?"

"Only that it's a she."

Kevin's eyes light up with delight. 

"Haven't you done enough matchmaking friend?"

Kevin frowns. Then his face lights up like a Christmas tree. "Why don't you invite her to the Maple party tomorrow! That way you can meet this mystery woman before all the work begins."

The redhead smiles.

"My dear sweet Kevin, you are a genius!" She hops up from the swivel chair behind her desk to place a kiss to his cheek. "Now, take me to lunch."

  
  
  
  
  


**XOXOXOXOXO**

  
  
  


As Cheryl and Kevin walked down the busy sidewalk to their lunch destination; conversation between the two friends light and casual, she accidentally bumped her shoulder against a blond who was walking in the opposite direction as her. And before she could apologise the blond spits out, “Watch it!”

Cheryl was about to retort until she felt it again. The same feeling that tugged at her heart three nights ago at the gas station. She stopped in her tracks; looked up and down the bustling sidewalk for the same head of curly brown hair. She craned her head left and right until she felt a warm hand grab her shoulder. 

“Cheryl you ok?”

She didn’t respond, just nodded and followed Kevin in the restaurant. 

  
  


_I must be losing my mind._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what you think guys? Is Heather trying to help Toni? 
> 
> Comment below.
> 
> From now on, new chapters will be posted every Saturday.


	4. Oh These Deceptive Eyes Of Mine I Do Believe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys! So, I know I said that I will start posting every Saturday, but after I reread the chapter, it didn't speak to me the way I needed it to. So I rewrote it. Please don't burn me at the stake. 
> 
> In this chapter, Toni is being referred to as Ms X. This is the alias name she gave herself for her work. I felt that it made more sense to refer her to Ms X due to her memory loss. I didn't want to give her another name other than Toni. But fear not, after this chapter she will be Toni. 
> 
> I want to thank everyone who left comments and kudos. It keeps me motivated. So thanks a bunch guys!
> 
> So without further ado here is chapter 4. Hope it's not a bore. (Lame attempt to rhyme.)
> 
> t/w: Panic Attack

Every spring the Maple Corporation hosts the epic Maple Party to commemorate the season's maple harvest. It's nothing too big. Just a few department executives in her company, production managers, major clients, and potential clients are all invited. 

This year the redheaded boss decided to host this year's soiree at her vineyard. Hopefully to garner some potential investors in her next acquisition, cherry maple wine.

Cheryl walked the grounds of the vineyard making sure the hired help, who were dressed neatly in their crisp white button down shirts with matching black ties and pants, were laying the final touches to each white linen circular table. Four gold chairs sat underneath each table while a small bouquet of flowers of different types and integrated colors of reds, pinks, yellows, and blues sat atop. Along the far right of the vineyard was the bar. She watched as the bartender put her cherry maple wine on ice. Behind him was a large mural of her vineyard. Each row of grapevines lit by fairy lights as far as the eye could see underneath a midnight sky. Across the bar sat a violinist practicing a piece before the festivities. 

Cheryl took in a deep breath, basked in the light breeze that waved past her and smiled as she released it, signifying her satisfaction. Just then, her assistant, Rebecca, called her. She turned in the direction she was being called. 

“Isn’t it beautiful Rebecca?”

“Yes, it’s gorgeous mam. Mr. Keller did a fantastic job.” The assistant concurred.

"Agreed. I just might be calling his event planning agency for all my parties from now on. Did your assistance help or hinder him."

"I did all he asked of me mam."

"Excellent. Was there something you wanted?" 

“No mam. Just wanted to let you know that the chef and his staff are all set.”

“Wonderful! Thank you Rebecca. Well, I guess I should go get ready. The guests will be arriving soon.”

“Yes mam.”

“Double check the glassware. Make sure we have enough.” The red head commands as she moves to leave.

“Will do.”

“And…” she pauses her steps across the well manicured grass. “The moment Ms X arrives, bring her to me.”

“You got it.”

  
  
  
  
  


**XOXOXOXOXO**

  
  
  


“What’s the matter with you?” The photographer asks as Heather assists in zipping up the zipper on her red jumpsuit. Once she’s completed her task, she turns to face her girlfriend with a smile. Heather looks up at her with a smile across pink lips that doesn’t match her emerald orbs. 

“I'm fine. Are you nervous?”

“Na. Excited actually. I’m about to meet The Cheryl Blossom.” She chuckles as she walks past Heather to sit on the bench at the foot of their bed to put on her silver strappy heels. 

Heather watches as she slips her tiny feet into them. “You’re not worried about coming out of hiding?”

The brunette chuckles. “Unless I was a fugitive running from the law before my memory loss I should have nothing to worry about.” She rises from the bench and heads to the bathroom. Heather follows. 

“I just think…”

“Look... the brunette cuts her off and sighs heavily before she turns to face her…”Heather if you can’t support my choices then what are we doing?” 

“I’m just trying to look out for you.”

“And I appreciate it, but what I need now is a partner who can support my decisions. Not convince me otherwise.”

“I- I do...I just…”

“I don’t want to argue with you right now Heather. I’m in a good space right now. If you can’t be happy and supportive then I don’t want you by my side this afternoon.”

Heather watches as she turns her back to her and faces the mirror. Things between them were changing. She was slipping away from her little by little; day by day. The convincing vice grip she held on her was loose, so loose that her lover could easily slip from it. What was she to do? Was there _anything_ for her to do to keep the love of her life in her clutches? 

Heather took the four steps it took to wrap her arms around her lover from behind. She placed her forehead between her shoulder blades and inhaled her scent before placing a warm kiss to her back. 

She can’t lose this woman. For five years she has been her everything. 

_I won’t lose her._

_Not like the last one._

  
  
  
  
  
  


**XOXOXOXOXO**

  
  
  


An hour into the party, and Cheryl needed a break from being the perfect host, so she went in search of her best friends. After walking around the vineyard for a few minutes, smiling and shaking hands of clients as she passed, she spotted Veronica whispering something in Josie’s ear near the bar. She watched as Josie brushed her fingers over her girlfriend's forearm. 

“Get a room you two.” She says as she saunters next to them. 

“Trust me, I would love nothing more.” Veronica teases. And Josie laughs before playfully swatting her girlfriend's arm. 

“You’ve outdone yourself girl. This vineyard is gorgeous.” 

“Thank you Josie. I just wish...” Cheryl’s voice drifted and her eyes grew distant. With a sad smile and a comforting hand placed in her own, Veronica intervenes, “I know.”

“All of this…” Cheryl waves her hand in the air as if waving a wand, “was her idea.” 

“We know girl. She would be so proud.” Josie says assuringly.

“Yeah?” The red head looks at her friend with the hope of Josie’s statement to be true. Every detail, every idea, every thought was in honor of the love of her life. 

Cheryl looked around the vineyard. Watched as the guests chatted in small scattered groups amongst each other, observed as they marvelled at the grounds they walked on, witnessed as the wine glass lifted to their lips; the deep burgundy liquid slipped between said lips, and observed as their faces danced with enjoyment the moment it hit their taste buds. She smiled. Choosing to believe that what her friends said to her to be true.

Toni _would_ be proud. 

“Although I could not have done it without your step brother.” Cheryl snaps back from the bitter miss of regret and slid back into the now as if the moment never occurred.

And her confidants obligated with bright smiles and a pleasant response.

“Trust me I know…" Josie says with a chuckle. "For the past month Kevin somehow inserts the maple party in every conversation we’ve had.”

“Babe you know what that means? Cheryl done stressed the fuck out of him.”

The couple laughs. Cheryl just watches them with crossed arms and scoffs. Veronica rolls her eyes and grabs her wrist to bring her in for a hug, Josie joins them, slinging her arms around both her lover’s and friend's shoulders.

“Let’s have a toast.” Veronica proclaims after releasing the two girls and grabbing two wine glasses filled with cherry maple wine from the bar and handing one to each of the ladies before confiscating one of her own. 

“What should we toast to baby?” Josie asks.

“To Cheryl. May this day change your life forever.”

The three friends clinked their glasses together and cheered. Not realizing that their toast would indeed do just that.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**XOXOXOXOXO**

  
  
  
  


Ms X drove up to the entrance of the vineyard and she couldn’t believe the beauty before her eyes. There was a large black wrought iron gate with the words _Antoinette Winery_ written in calligraphy centering it. The wordage split in two as the gate swung open after she handed her invitation to the gentleman granting her access before inspecting her invitation. She drove up the long stone paved road in their rental car; driving slowly past the lush rows of greenery that could be seen for miles in any direction you looked. Grape bunches hung from vines, purple and ripe; the setting sun shining on them, making them look as if they came from heaven. Awe and excitement lit the photographer’s face; inwardly cursing herself for not bringing her camera to capture the beauty the vineyard bestowed. 

At the end of the long driveway stood an old remodeled Spanish style building with white stucco and a red roof, where she assumed the wine was made and aged. Colorful flowers of all types and colors blanketed its landscape. However,a bouquet of purple daisies and pink peonies stood out to her. The familiarity of it caused her to smile, but the unknown reasoning of it was a bit perplexing to her. The brunette pushed it from her brain as she pulled in front of the winding driveway. A few young men dressed in red vests stood in front of the building. One jogged up to her, and before she could step out, he was offering his hand as assistance; noticing another valet was offering the same service to Heather.

“Classy.” she said with a wink over to her girlfriend. She handed her keys to the valet before he handed her a valet ticket. There was a sign in bold lettering at the foot of the building steps that read: _Welcome, Follow the Red Carpet_. And so they did. 

Heather slipped beside her and entangled her fingers in hers tightly as they walked the red carpet that was leading them behind the building, all the while admiring the ambiance and entranced by the beautiful voice that serenaded them in the distance as they did. As they got closer, they could hear the strings of a violin play along with the singer. The music carrying them more so than the red carpet. 

Once they made it to the back of the building, the photographer stopped for a moment to enjoy the curly haired songbird. She watched as the songstress smiled and worked the crowd from the small makeshift stage. The curly haired beauty blew a kiss to someone in the crowd. She smiled, her sultry voice careening the audience. Then she looked up, her eyes closed and her head rocked from side to side as the violinist played a short rift. Then the dark head beauty slowly opened her eyes and her angelic voice released a note that made the crowd cheer loudly and hands wave to the beat. Feeding off the jeers, the songstress worked the crowd more. And suddenly, her eyes landed on the brunette. Her notes began to stutter slightly before she regained her composure with a vocal note that quickly covered the mishap- the crowd none the wiser. The photographer frowned. She grabbed her girlfriend's hand and walked away. 

  
  
  


_That was weird._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**XOXOXOXOXO**

  
  
  


Josie looked past heads and shoulders that blocked her from the person she _thought she saw_? A small congregation of admirers was surrounding her after her performance, demanding her attention. So not wanting to be rude, she gave them her consideration until the last fan dispersed and there only her girlfriend stood with her arms outstretched and a proud smile on her face. They each took a couple steps forward and met in the middle. 

“You killed it baby!” Veronica said after the congratulatory hug. Josie partially embraces it. 

Josie scanned the grounds. Perplexed and confused. “I think I saw her.”

“Saw who” Her girlfriend asks.

Josie looks at her with enlarged eyes,shock in her voice, “Toni. I think.” It came out more like a question.

Veronica looks at her like she grew two heads before her eyes. “Say what now?”

“Baby I know what it sounds like, but I saw her. I was up on stage singing and I saw her-I think. Her hair was different, but I think it was her.”

As crazy as the confession sounded Veronica grabbed the singer by the wrist and they both set out to get to the bottom of the mystery. Although, it didn’t take long for them to discover the truth because the second they turned around they saw her being directed by Rebecca inside the winery.

“Holy shit.” Veronica whispers. 

“Cheryl was right.” Josie whispers back.

“It’s Her!” The both say in unison.

  
  
  
  
  


**XOXOXOXOXO**

  
  
  
  


“Hi, Ms X?"

A woman about her height with black frame eyeglasses asks after stepping in front of her.

“The one and only.”The photographer confirms. “How’d you know?” She asks as they shake hands.

“Your agent gave me your description. And he told me you’ll be wearing red.”

The photographer chuckles. Remembering the text message he sent her two nights ago to wear red. “Ahh. Agents. Gotta love’em.”

The assistant politely smiles and says, “Ms Blossom is expecting you. If you’ll follow me please.”

“Would love nothing more...” The photographer claims. “But if you could point me in the direction of the little girl’s room first that would be awesome.” 

“Of course. It’s just inside the winery.” Rebecca points to the white building they walked past as they came in. “You can’t miss it.”

“Cool. Keep my girlfriend company until I return?” 

“Sure.” The assistant smiles at Heather who fidgetly stands beside her. 

  
  
  
  
  


**XOXOXOXOXO**

  
  
  


Cheryl exited the bathroom stall and walked the short distance to the sink to wash her hands, drying them afterwards. She scanned her appearance through the wide mirror over the sink. Soft makeup. Full red lips. Smooth pale skin exposed underneath a long white floral maxi dress. The halter neckline made her neck look long and slender. There was a slit that ran up the side of her dress, making her attire sexy and flirty. Her fiery red hair was in soft curls that wisped past her shoulders. She gave herself a satisfied smirk and proceeded to exit the restroom when without warning the door to the bathroom swung open. She quickly took a step back and stumbled. She shrieked and before she hit the ground a pair of arms wrapped around her back, keeping her from hitting the floor, her heart pounding in her chest from the incident. 

Just then, a raspy voice only heard in her dreams says, “Don’t worry Blossom. I got you.” 

She furrows her brow and blinks furiously. Surely she fell and hit her head on the concrete floor. For this intimate embrace and this warm familiar voice is not real.

“Are you alright.”

_There it is again._

The redhead releases a shaky breath and simply leans into the embrace. For if this be another dream or death, she gladly accepts it. 

Cheryl closes her eyes tighter and buries her face in the neck of the woman that is holding her. Her scent isn’t the same, but her arms are, so she melts further into them. She runs her hands over her back and squeezed tighter. Relishing in whatever this reality is to last forever. 

“Ms Blossom. Are you ok? Did I hurt you?”

Cheryl whines; squeezes the individual even tighter nonetheless. 

The woman with the warm touch and the gravelly voice gently unravels her body from the redheads. She inspects her to see if there were any bruises. Relieved there were none, she guides Cheryl away from the door. She lifts her head up with a gentle finger to her chin, coaxing her to open her eyes. Slowly she does. And suddenly a piercing shrill escapes her mouth. Her eyes jutted as if they were about to shoot out her sockets. Her heart drummed in her chest. She took a step forward on legs that wobbled like jello. And with a trembling voice whispered, 

“Toni...Is it really you m- my love... Am I d-dreaming?”

She took another shaky step. Wringing her hands together nervously.

“You came back to me.”

The photographer takes a step back

“Uhm...you have me mistaken for someone else. I’m Ms X. The photographer you hired.”

Cheryl’s jaw dropped. Teary eyes danced over the photographer’s face. 

“Of course. That’s why I was so drawn to your work. Toni…”

Cheryl reached her hand out and touched the brunette’s cheek. She jumped away from her touch and ran out the bathroom; leaving a confused, heartbroken, and distraught Cheryl behind.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**XOXOXOXOXO**

  
  
  


It’s two o’clock in the morning and sleep has forsaken the photographer. The entire altercation with Cheryl Blossom keeps replaying over and over again in her head. It has her baffled. And to be honest, frightened. 

She didn’t discuss the altercation in the bathroom with her potential client to Heather. Talking to her leaves her unfulfilled and unenlightened. She just told her that she didn’t feel well after she left the bathroom so they could leave. For some reason she seemed a bit too happy about that.

The artist leans back in the lounge chair on the patio of the hotel room. 

_She called me Toni._

She sighs, inhales a puff of the joint betwixt her index and thumb and slowly exhales. She looks at the small round table to her right and stares at the bottle of pills she promised her girlfriend she’d start back taking. She scoffs, takes one more hit of her joint before burning out the lit end in the ashtray on the same table as the pills. 

  
  


She can still feel the electricity from where Cheryl's hand touched her cheek. And within that touch, flashbacks flipped past her eyes like pages in a novel faster than she could blink. It freaked the brunette out and she bolted out the restroom. 

_Is it possible?_

She sighs and picks up the pills from the table. She gives them a light shake, and frowns as they rattle in its container. She peeps her head around and notices Heather still asleep. She looks down at the pills in her hand again, takes in a deep breath through her nose, and slowly releases it from her mouth. With a final decision she shakes her head and throws the container of pills into the trashcan to her left. 

All of a sudden, a light gust of wind blows over the patio. She closes her eyes and appreciates the breeze as it caresses her skin as if it signifies her decision. With a smile, she pulls her phone from her pajama pocket. She pulls up her email, in search of the email Cheryl Blossom sent her. She finds it and scrolls to the bottom. She copies her email address and pastes it in a new compose email; typing away with determination.

  
  
  
  
  


**XOXOXOXOXO**

  
  
  


It took five hours for Veronica and Josie to calm Cheryl down. If that's what you can say they did. Really all they could do was stay by her side and give her water until she passed out. 

After the woman she thought to be Toni ran out of the restroom like a bat out of hell, she dropped to her knees. Stunned, confused, and hopelessly lost. 

When Veronica and Josie found her she was on all fours, her head bowed, tears marring her face like scars, struggling for oxygen. 

It reminded them of how they attempted to mend her shattered heart five years ago. They prayed that their friend never had to experience this again. Yet there they were. On the floor in a locked bathroom, propped up against its wall, echoing those same words of comfort.

A half an hour later, Josie stood as hostess on Cheryl's behalf while Veronica took her home. 

And that’s where she awoke from a fitful sleep. Her eyes itched and burned. Mouth dry. Limbs weak. Her mind was tired. Reruns from her altercation playing like a bad episode in her dreams. She could hear familiar voices murmuring down the hall. No doubt her friends, talking about what happened and what they were going to do to keep her sane. 

She scanned her room. It was dark. The slightly cracked bedroom door gave way to the only sliver of light from the hallway. Even that small source of light was too much for her. Cheryl was tired-beyond so. 

She lifted her arm up to cover her eyes from the light when her phone flashed and vibrated on the nightstand. She cursed. She had the notifications set where it would keep buzzing until it was read, so with all the might she had in her, she reached over and grabbed it from its charge. She squinted at the screen, blinking profusely until her pupils adjusted. 

She put in her password and opened the email notification. Ignoring all the pains in her body she shot her back off the bed. She rubbed each eye with the heel of her hand and read.

  
  
  


Ms Blossom,

First, I want to apologize to you for almost knocking you out with the bathroom door. Sometimes I don’t know my own strength. Second, well... to say the least, your reaction towards me took me by surprise. I guess that’s a good word to describe it? Let’s just say it's the safest word to describe how I felt. I’ll just leave it at that cause I feel like I’m rambling. 

There are things about myself that I don’t know. Truthfully, all I know of myself is that I take damn good pictures. You said you were drawn to my work. How? In what way? It seems that you may have answers to those questions. If so, I'm willing to hear them. 

And I won’t run this time.

Whether we continue our work relationship or not, I would like to know what you know. Somehow I think you just maybe the key to unlocking what I can’t. 

  
  


Sincerely, 

X

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Let me know what you guys think.


	5. I'm Coming Undone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I'm back guys! My goal was to post last Sunday, but there's this thing called life that happens. Go figure. But don't worry, I will finish this fic. 
> 
> I want to give a special heart felt thank you to all you guys who have left kudos and comments. They make me feel encouraged. So thank you guys. You all are awesome!
> 
> I haven't exactly decided what to call this fic yet. Memory Loss fic maybe. IDK. If you have any ideas LMK. I don't want to steal anyone's fic name. 
> 
> So, this chapter leads up to the moments Toni loses her memory. That's why it's written in all italics. 
> 
> well...without further ado here is chapter 5.

_Toni casually opened the door to her and her girlfriend’s bedroom._

_She opened her mouth in greeting, but the sight before her literally took her breath away._

_Cheryl- sat upright- in the middle of their bed- reading a book._

_Something as basic as watching her girlfriend relaxed and comfortable; waiting up for her to come home meant the world to her._

_Cheryl was so entranced in the literature that she didn't notice her girlfriend enter the room._

_Toni just stood in the doorway and observed her._

_Her flaming red hair tied in a loose ponytail, a few flyaways hanging past her earlobe. Her skin, flawless, clear, and makeup free; cheeks rosy. She scanned her neck, smirked at the fading pink bruise contrasting alabaster skin at its base. She watched as her eyes danced across the page of the book, her slender fingers lifting the pages playfully as she read. The rise and fall of her chest rose in time with the beat of her heart._

_The corners of Toni’s mouth curled upward as she stepped over the threshold._

_"That better be some good ass smut you reading to not notice all this sexiness."_

_Cheryl lifts her head up from her book. She looked in the direction of her girlfriend, and began to laugh hysterically._

_"What?" Toni asks as she gyrates her body in a dance goofily. "What's so funny?"_

_"You." She held her stomach from laughing, book instantly neglected. Cheryl looked at her again. This time she made a goofy face as she kicked her leg high in the air, and laughed harder. "You...are... crazy!" Cheryl says through her laughter._

_"Nah. Just crazy in love."_

_Cheryl's fit of laughter subsided. She looked at the love of her life. "Come here."_

_Within a flash, Toni had hopped on the bed beside her girl and placed a tender kiss to her lips. Once released, they just looked into each other's eyes for a moment. Then..._

_"Hi."_

_"Hi baby. You didn't respond to my texts."_

_"I know baby. I'm sorry." She kissed Cheryl's forehead. "The bar was insanely busy tonight."_

_Cheryl took a breath before she brushed the collar of Toni's leather jacket with her fingers. "I hate it when you get so busy you can't message me back."_

_Toni straddled her girlfriend. She placed her hands on her cheeks and stared deep into her eyes._

_"I'm going to make a promise to you."_

_Cheryl nodded._

_From now on, no matter what I'm doing, or how busy I am, I am going to call you."_

_"You promise?"_

_"I promise baby."_

_Toni sealed her promise with a kiss, releasing with a light smack._

_"Another reason I was so busy today was because of this."_

_She pulled a piece of folded notebook paper out of the pocket of her leather jacket and handed it to her girl._

_"What's this?"_

_"It's a recipe."_

_"For…"_

_"Wine. Cherry maple wine."_

_Cheryl reads over the ingredients on the paper_

_"How did you come up with this?"_

_"Well, me and my brilliant brain woke up with an idea a few months ago. So I did some research, got some advice from Veronica, grabbed some of your famous maple syrup, and went into the lab, aka, The Whyte Wyrm and got to brewing. Give it time to ferment and we could have a quality product baby. Something that belongs to us. Something we could build and grow. Together._

_Within that moment, a new level of love and admiration harboured inside of Cheryl for Toni. She looked into her eyes and saw her soul. And it was true and pure and it belonged only to her. How did she get so lucky to find a woman like her? Someone who wanted a future with her. Someone who was_ **_thinking_ ** _about the future with her._

_Cheryl grabbed the love of her life by the waist and pulled her closer. With glistened eyes and a watery smile she uttered,_

  
  


_"My brilliant little savant."_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**_XOXOXOXOXO_ **

  
  
  
  


_"So, whatcha think?"_

_Toni watched as Josie held the necklace delicately over her fingers, brushing her thumb gently over the cherry shaped ruby stone that daintily connected in the middle._

_"You know Cheryl will love a twig if it was from you…" They both chuckled. "But in all seriousness, girl, she is going to cherish this."_

_Toni released a satisfied breath as she reached for the necklace._

_“I’ve been working some long hours at the Wyrm to buy her the perfect birthday gift. My baby been missing me something fierce.” She said as she gently placed the necklace back in its case._

_“Trust me I know. If she’s not calling me, she’s hanging with V.”_

_“Speaking of V.” Toni lifted her eyebrows up mischievously. “What’s up with you two?”_

_Josie gave her a sly sideways smile and leaned her back against her sofa._

_“A lady never kisses and tells.”_

_“Really bitch!” Toni sneered_

_Her friend’s dark curls bounced around her temples as she giggled. “Ok Ok.” She sighed. “ Remember last week when I was stressing about the singing competition I competed in?”_

_“Yeah. I remember. I told you you’d win.” Toni bumps her shoulder With her own._

_She smiled. “Well- the night before the competition...me and V…kissed."_

_"Yes. Finally. For a while I thought you two were a lost cause."_

_Josie opened her mouth in shock. "Excuse you. Have you forgotten who our parents are? They hate each other."_

_Toni shrugged. "I know all too well. Penelope Blossom ring a bell?"_

_Josie released a frustrated sigh. "There's so much bad blood between our parents. I don't know if Veronica and I can survive."_

_"How does V feel"_

_"You know Veronica, she's all in. Parents be damned."_

_"Well bestie, my advice to you is this. Only you control your life. Who you love. That's all up to you. Not your mom. If you want the woman, go get her. And who knows, she could be the one. Think about it."_

_Toni rose from her seat beside her friend. "Don't forget the party starts at 8. Pops. Be there. Hopefully with Veronica on your arm."_

_Josie rolled her eyes and quickly changed the subject. "So why are you having Cheryl's birthday party at Pops?"_

_"It's where we had our first date."_

_Josie placed her hand over her heart. “Aww, how romantic.”_

_Toni chuckled bashfully and handed the red velvet box where her present for Cheryl was housed to her best friend. "Mind holding on to this for me? Cheryl's been snooping around the house lately. I don't want her finding her gift."_

_Josie giggles." I got you girl."_

_"Thanks. Love you J."_

_"Back at ya T."_

  
  
  
  
  
  


**_XOXOXOXOXO_ **

  
  
  
  


_“Hey Pea, mind checking the brakes on my bike? They were feeling a bit sticky all day.”_

_“Sure thing Tiny. I’ll just put a new set on instead.”_

_“Nah. No time. Have a few more things to do before my baby’s party tonight. You and Fangs coming right?”_

_“Wouldn’t miss it. But you should let me put a set of new brake pads on Tiny.”_

_“It’s all good. Now hop to it. I promised Cheryl I'd be home soon. And if I'm late I'm blaming you."_

  
  
  
  
  
  


**_XOXOXOXOXO_ **

  
  
  
  


_Cheryl looked at the time on her phone. 7:30pm. The party was in a half hour. Toni had told her she’d be home to get ready for her party an hour ago, and she’s yet to show._

_Cheryl was trying not to worry; however, everything in her said to do just that._

_She unlocked her phone and pressed one on her speed dial for the seventh time. The redhead released a nervous breath when Toni’s phone went straight to voicemail._

_She called Josie._

_“Hey Cheryl. You and Toni on the way?”_

_“That’s why I’m calling. Is Toni at Pops? She told me she’d be home an hour ago to get ready, but she hasn’t showed up.”_

_“No…”_

_“What about Veronica? Has she seen or talked to her?”_

_"Earlier. They were at Pops doing some last minute touches for the party.”_

_There was a pause. She could hear Josie whispering to Veronica in the background before returning her attention back to Cheryl._

  
  


_“You know how Toni gets so caught up in what she's doing she loses track of time."_

_"No, not this time. We talked about this. She promised she'd call me no matter what. And it's my birthday. Something's wrong Josie."_

_"Ok calm down. Veronica's headed your way now ok?"_

_"Ok...ok."_

_"How about you stay on the phone with me till V gets to you yeah?"_

_"Ok...ok"_

  
  
  
  
  
  


**_XOXOXOXOXO_ **

  
  
  


_"Dammit."_

_Toni yells under her helmet as she hits the clutch on her motorcycle to fourth gear. She's late. And she didn't keep her promise and call her girl._

_It took Sweet Pea longer than normal to fix her brakes, and this the result. Her flying up the road from the Southside to the Northside at seventy five miles per hour._

_Ahead of her were a few cars, so she pressed her leather gloved hand on the brake. And the sound of metal scraping the asphalt immediately absorbed her ears._

_"Shit." She muttered under her breath. Her bike came to an uneasy stop behind the last vehicle. She lifted the black visor on her helmet and tinkered with the brakes on her bike. She thought about pulling over to check it out, but decided against it. She was already late as it was and stopping would make her even later. So with only eighteen minutes away from home; ten if went over the speed limit, she made the decision to keep riding._

_As she waited for the light to turn green, she started revving her bike. She looked to her left and saw a little girl in the back seat of an SUV, her tiny hands pressed against the glass, watching her with big excited eyes. She smiled and revved the bike again and smiled when the girl imitated her actions._

_Toni looked up and saw the light turn yellow. Deciding to give the little enthusiast a show, she put her feet on the foot pedals, placed the face shield back down on her helmet, gave her a thumbs up, and flew up the highway, leaving every vehicle in her dust._

_The little speed demon chuckled giddily to herself aloud, basking in the adrenaline of the moment. After the appreciative moment tapered, she glanced at the speed gage. Eighty miles per hour. She squeezed the handlebar grip. The sound of metal scraping loudly under her ensued again._

_Panic began to shroud her when her right wheel rocked like it wanted to pop off. Finally deciding she needed to pull over, Toni slowly pressed the brake clutch again, but instead of slowing down, her bike’s speed slowly sped up._

_“Oh shit Oh shit Oh shit.” She chanted over and over as she kept pressing the brake clutch harder and harder and each time the speed ticked higher, eighty 83 miles per hour...85 miles per hour...88 miles per hour…_

_The front wheel continued to shake, her body trembled from the quickening speed and the rumbling vibrations. Toni surveyed the light traffic all the while trying to remain calm. She could hear the frantic and angry horns from several cars as she whizzed past. Perspiration slid down her forehead and into her eyes, blurring her vision. She screamed. She cursed. She even called up to the celestial spirits that in this moment hope existed as the speed of her bike climbed, 88...92...miles per hour._

_She began to duck and dive in and out of traffic so as to not hit any vehicles. The sweat burned her eyes, but she did everything in her power to ignore it when all of a sudden a car in front of her came to an abrupt stop. She swerved out of the lane just before she hit the car only to be met face to face with a van._

_A whimper released from her mouth. She watched in slow motion as the van barreled towards her._

_So this was it._

_This was how her life ended._

_Antoinette Topaz. Twenty years old. Died from a motorcycle crash on her girlfriend's birthday._

_Her eyes grew large. And within those sweat filled eyes a flip book of her present and future flipped past them. She saw every birthday celebration, every Christmas. She saw every smile, every kiss, and heard every I love you. She saw them building and growing their winery together, and she saw them dancing their first dance as wives at their wedding._

_A sob escaped her. She closed her eyes, picturing red hair and alabaster skin-soft and warm. As the handlebars jerked to the right, she felt her body vault from her bike. Somersaulting her through the air as the love of her life's name whispered past her lips._

_Cheryl_

  
  
  
  
  
  


**_XOXOXOXOXO_ **

  
  
  


_The shrill screams of Cheryl Blossom could have awakened the dead._

_There were cars lined on the side of the road, forbidden to move until the wreckage was cleared. Police cars scattered about the scene, their lights flashing red and blue atop its hood. A couple uniformed officers were laying down orange cones around metal debris that littered the street. Skid marks tagged the concrete. You could hear an ambulance in the distance while firefighters bravely put out a burning van lit with flames._

_Veronica held on to her best friend for dear life, in an attempt to guard her from the sight before her, but failing. Cheryl’s sights landed on what remained of Toni’s bike lying in a ditch, her helmet a few feet from it. The front wheel was gone, but aside from several scratches and a few dents, the remainder of the motorcycle was intact._

_But where was Toni?_

_She looked around the area; screaming her girlfriend's name over and over, but to no avail. Just then Sheriff Keller walked up to Cheryl, Veronica closely at her side._

_“Cheryl…_

_“Where is Toni Sheriff! Her bike is here, but she isn’t. Have you taken her to the hospital?”_

_Sheriff Keller takes his hat off his head then soberly speaks, “She wasn't at the scene when we showed up.” He gulps before he continues. “We found her leather jacket in the woods about five hundred miles from here. So my guess is th-that she...uhm...the impact of the accident threw her a few feet off her bike.”_

_“So we need to go look for her! She could be hurt…”_

_“Cheryl…” He interrupts. She looks at him; tears running down her cheeks. “We have.” He takes a huge breath as he squeezes his hat in his hands. “Near where we found her jacket we spotted bear tracks...I’m sorry Cheryl. We have reason to believe that she was attacked by a bear.”_

_Before Cheryl could respond or react in any way, Sweet Pea came barreling towards them. And when he sees the bike he drops to his knees wailing._

_“I told her to let me fix the brakes-I told her-I told her!”_

_She swiftly turns in his direction. Her hair slapped across her face after doing so._

_“What! You let her get on that thing knowing it wasn't safe!?”_

_“I-I”_

_“This is your fault Sweet Pea! Yours! Because of you Toni is gone. Your death is on your hands!”_

_He jumps off his knees and grabs Cheryl’s forearm. “Wait Ch…”_

_She narrowly snatched her arm from his grasp._

_“Don’t touch me! I will never forgive you for this!”_

_“Cheryl…” He reached again, and with a smack as quick as a serpent's strike, her hand collided across his cheek ; echoing loudly over the crime scene._

_“Burn in Hell Sweet Pea! I never want to see your face again! I hate you!”_

_Sweet Pea watched as Cheryl stormed off. Veronica grabs his hand and gives it a squeeze before running after her best friend._

_So, with tears in his eyes and the sting from his cheek where he was struck, he heads in the direction of the girl he once called sister motorcycle._

_“Hey, you can’t be here.” An officer told him as he passed. But he continued, ignoring the officer's threats._

_Sweet Pea hopped his large frame in the ditch and pulled his sister’s bike out. The officer reached for Pea, but before he could get his hands on him, Keller called the officer off. Reluctantly, he relented and watched as the heartbroken man lifted the broken bike in the bed of his truck and drove off with regret and blame deep in his heart._

  
  
  
  
  
  


**_XOXOXOXOXO_ **

  
  
  
  


_Toni climbed from a knee deep ditch near a busted motorcycle. She reached for the scarred and dented helmet on her head, took it off, and dropped it to the ground. She struggled to rise, attempted a couple times before setting herself upright. She staggered forward, beginning her oblivious trek. White noise filled the space in her head, her mouth filled with blood; eyes bloodshot and unfocused._

_With each step she took her foot drug behind. Her leaning form bumped against trees and stumbled over rocks. Her clothing ripped and tattered; her famous leather jacket dangled over one shoulder, lacerated to shreds as it combed through thorny limbs; eventually torn from the rest of her mangled body._

_In a zombie like fashion, she dragged on until the end of the woods were reached. She stumbled out and wobbled along the edge of a dirt road in the pitch of night. For miles she staggered until her body eventually gave out and dropped like a sack of potatoes on the side of the dirt road._

_Lost, oblivious to her existence or destination._

  
  
  
  
  
  


**_XOXOXOXOXO_ **

  
  
  
  


_The sound of a continuous beep invaded her psyche. Her eyes slowly blinked open, blurred and unfocused. Her mouth was dry, tongue thick, her head felt weighted. She groaned as the beep proceeded._

_"Welcome back to the living.”_

_Toni rapidly opened and closed her eyes until the blurred image in front of her was focused. A blond haired woman with a soft smile looked down at her._

_“I'm Dr. Harris. You gave us quite a scare."_

_"Wh-w… Toni started before a fit of coughs took over. The doctor quickly poured her some water and helped her swallow a few sips out of a straw._

_"Better?"_

_Toni nodded meekly. She looked around the room and noticed she was lying in a hospital bed. Tubes connected from her body to machines on either side of her. The bed ridden woman looked back up to the doctor, her brow etched with fear and bewilderment, but before she spoke, the doctor proceeded to answer all the questions she was able to._

_"You are in Canadian Medical Center. A man found you on the side of an old dirt road. You were pretty banged up."_

_Toni frowns._

_"Can you tell me your name?"_

_Toni struggled to think through the fuzziness inside her skull. Flustered from the battle to figure out the answer to the most simplest of questions she cried, "I-I don't k-know…"_

_A shrill noise came from the lost woman. Then. The heart monitor affixed to her began to rapidly beat. Tears cascaded down her cheeks. She scratched at the tubes that attached her body._

_The doctor rushed to her side. She placed her hands on top of the lost woman’s hands to contain her frantic attempts. She soothed her until her distraught actions turned to sobs and finally light hiccups on the doctor's shoulder. Disregarded was the large wetness that scarred the doc’s white coat. Her one and only job in that moment was to care for this woman who felt perished in her arms._

_After long minutes of crying on this stranger’s shoulder, Toni lifts her head and asks. “What happened?”_

_The blond doctor gives her a slight smile before reaching for the cup of water and assisting her in taking a few sips through a straw before answering tenderly._

  
  


_“ You suffered a concussion. Your cat scan showed some brain swelling. But don’t worry, it’s normal for someone with head trauma such as yours to have some swelling and memory loss.”_

_She paused to allow what she said told her to register. She continued._

_“Your left leg was broken, but the good news is it healed while you were out. It's likely you’ll have to attend some physical therapy before we get you to walk on your own again."_

_"Out? How long have I been here?"_

_"You were admitted two months ago. You've been in a coma ever since."_

_The panic rises in her chest again, but it’s squelched quickly by the blond doctor._

_“Don’t worry. I know everything feels like a nightmare right now, but you are not alone. I am personally going to get you back on your feet. That’s a guarantee-or my name isn’t Dr. Heather Harris._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So whatcha think?


	6. The Side Effects Of Me Without You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm back with a new chapter. 
> 
> I apologize for the hiatus. I do not plan on that being the norm. My brother has started a cleaning service and I have been doing what I can to help him succeed. 
> 
> Anyway, to make up for my absence here is over 6000 words of some good ole drama. I think you guys will enjoy it. Toni and Cheryl finally officially meet and some questions get answered. And some more stuff happens too.
> 
> I want to thank everyone who is reading and commenting. It means so much to me. 
> 
> I am working on the next chapter now so it won't take long for the next chapter. I hope you enjoy and as usual leave me a comment. Have any questions ask. I answer back.

Two hours. 

Thanks to everything that transpired the previous day, that’s how many hours of sleep Cheryl was lucky enough to achieve last night. 

Her mind-and her heart was in such disarray that nothing could deviate from the jumbled mess of her thoughts that were tangled with questions, and complicating her confusion. All this interwoven in her fears. But along with this great ball of mess that harbored inside of her was her joy. Pure and simple. Because Toni was alive! 

Then, in the middle of the night, while tossing and turning in her bed, the whimsical chime of an email notification from her cell cuts through all that her anatomy was addled with. 

Twice the alert was ignored, but the usual calm of the bell sounded more and more like a gong to her ears, so she reached over on the nightstand and retrieved her phone to turn it off, but the email header put the action on pause. 

**I’m Sorry: X**

Cheryl quickly opened said email and read it intently. Combing through every word, every sentence, every period, and every phrase.

Toni is alive!

Nervous elation exploded throughout her being. Tears welled in the corner of her eyes. Her hands shook as she typed out a response. And as she hit send she whispered  _ Toni is Alive _ before relaxing enough to nestle her head on her pillow and close her eyes. 

However, when sleep finally overtook her, she listlessly tossed and turned. The events of what occurred that afternoon at her wine tasting party kept running on a loop in her dreams. 

The dream begins with her losing her balance when the door to the bathroom flies open, and just before she falls flat on her ass, a pair of arms catch her. Then she hears it. 

The voice. 

The voice that haunts her everyday; in every good way as well as every bad. Good for the memories- bad for well...the memories, and knowing that its raspy beauty will never be heard in no other way again. 

The clarity real as the voice asks if she was ok. The feel of the arms that held her up from the floor were so sturdy and recognizable that she lingered in the embrace until soft hands touched her chin and lifted her head to see brown eyes she knew all too well running over her face. Cheryl said her name, but the woman frowned and took a step back as Cheryl stepped forward. A shaky hand touched her soft caramel cheek, and the woman she knew was her love, Toni, ran out the bathroom.

Cheryl wakes up with a tingle on her fingertips from where she touched her cheek and a joyous smile plastered across her lips. 

There were so many questions to be asked and answered. So much time lost, but right now all that mattered to her was that Toni was alive!

  
  
  


Cheryl sits up in her four poster bed and slides up the headboard. She reaches for her phone on the nightstand and pulls up the email Toni sent her. She rereads it for the fifth time since last night. More and more questions are forming each time the email is read. Like, why does she not know who I am? Where has she been? Why does she call herself X? And a dozen more questions in addition to those. 

  
  


A soft knock raps on her bedroom door before it slowly opens to reveal her oldest and dearest friend since first grade. 

“Hey Cheryl...may I come in?” Veronica asks as she walks in before Cheryl could even answer, but she nods anyway, moving her knee just slightly so she can sit on the edge of her bed.

“I know you and Josie stayed over last night. I could hear you two talking. Thank you.”

“Oh- We didn’t realize we were talking so loudly. Sorry Cher.”

“It’s ok. Me losing sleep wasn’t on you guys.”

Veronica nods her head knowingly as she places her hand on Cheryl’s knee, rubbing in comfortingly. 

There was a moment of quiet between the two friends, but you could hear Josie humming softly down the hall. A waft of coffee and bacon perfumed the air. A grateful smile lifted across Cheryl’s lips. Her friends were tending to her, caring for her. 

Just like five years ago. 

Veronica cuts through her thoughts. “How are you feeling?” 

Cheryl runs her fingers through her frazzled red locks and takes a deep breath. The question-a simple one-yet an inconclusive one, so she ignores it and asks one of her on. One that will clarify what she believed to be true. One that will determine if her sanity was truly intact.

“You see her too?”

Veronica confirms her sanity with a nod and Cheryl releases a deep cleansing breath.

“You know the photographer whose work I've been fawning over these past couple years...X?”

“Yeah.”

“...X is Toni.’

“What?” Veronica gasps.

Cheryl pulls the email up on her phone and hands it to Veronica. She silently reads it. Her eyes grew bigger and her mouth dropped as she read the email. She looks up, the shock evident on her face. “Wh-What the hell is going on Cher!”

“I don’t know. It seems she has no memory or recollection of me.” Saying the words out loud brought the realization to her mind. 

Toni doesn't remember her. 

A sharp gasp of breath escaped her chest. Veronica slides a bit farther up the bed and squeezes Cheryl’s knee tight. 

“Don’t worry Cher. This is Toni. How can she not remember  _ you _ . The love of her life. All you have to do is remind her of how rock steady you two were, and she’ll be back in your arms in no time. You read her email...she’s willing-she’s open to knowing who she is. And who’s better to bring her back to us than you.”

Cheryl nods. The tears on her cheeks being wiped away with Veronica’s tender fingers. 

“She wants to meet me.”

“See!” Veronica shrieks. “When?”

“Today. I emailed her back last night, and she asked me out for coffee.”

The sheer joy on Veronica’s face overshadowed the excitement in her voice. “You got this.”

Just then Josie came waltzing in with a tray of breakfast garnished with a red rose in a vase; grinning from ear to ear. “Good morning.” She sing songed.

“Morning. All this for me?”

“Sure is. I know you had a rough night, so I made you breakfast.”

“Thank you Josie. It looks delicious.”

“Thanks girl. And it is.”

Cheryl laughs at her confident answer as she digs into her food.

Josie starts bouncing on the balls of her feet as she watches Cheryl take her first bite of her waffle, but not because she’s waiting on Cheryl to tell her how good her food was-she knows that- but because her best friend is alive!

“So what’s the plan? We gotta go find Toni.” Josie animatedly says.

Veronica hands Cheryl’s phone to her. They watch her as she reads the email exchanges and her eyes well up. She silently hands back the phone to Veronica and bounces out the room happily. 

There was a slight pause, then Veronica’s eyes grew twice its size and hopped off the bed chasing Josie out the bedroom yelling after her, “Baby! No!”

  
  
  
  
  
  


**XOXOXOXOXO**

  
  
  
  


Trying to hog-tie the fear and fury that possesses Heather at this moment is taking everything in the fiber of her being to contain.

But due to the shaky foundation their relationship is standing on now, it would not be wise to tell her girlfriend that she didn’t want her to meet with Cheryl Blossom. Hell, it would have probably been the end of their relationship. And Heather could not have that. She’s worked too hard to lose what is rightfully hers. 

_ She is mine! _

From the moment she saw her tiny comatose frame helpless in that hospital bed five years ago, Heather knew she was the only one that could help her. After all, Heather was the woman who was by her side when she had woken from her coma. Heather was the one to wipe her tears and eased her fears when she didn’t know who she was. Heather was the person who helped her up every time she fell in physical therapy. Heather was the one who told jokes to make her smile. Heather was the woman who took away those awful fragmented dreams that kept the woman from loving her.  _ “...Here darling. I wrote a subscription for these pills. They will keep those nightmares from appearing while you sleep…”  _

Heather was the one who gave her the “X” persona after her lover stumbled on her gift of photography and began to get recognition for her work.  _ “Imagine how mysterious it would be if you conceal your identity to the public. You would be like an enigma. The mystic alone would sell your work.” _

Heather was the one to convince her that there was a reason her past wasn’t remembered. _ “...Because maybe you were meant to forget, so you could meet me…”  _

_ So you see, she belongs to me!  _

_ I molded her into who she is now! _

_ I made her! Because of me she’s famous! _

_ I saved her!  _

_ She belongs to me! _

So seeing her lover walk out the hotel room door to go meet another woman who claims to be from her past makes the old her materialize. 

She could feel the anger strike her body like a flame from hell. Her heartbeat started to race double time. Her hands balled into fists at her side, and then she discharged a shrill noise that formed in her belly and shot out her mouth. A sound that only Satan himself could create-long and strong. Feeling the heat tip to its boiling point, Heather storms to the balcony for a reprieve of cool air. She wraps her hands tightly around the railing-squeezing it in her hands. Closing her eyes,she takes long intakes of breath, cooling the embers that have licked at her soul. After collecting the little sanity that remained, she turns to head back inside, but pauses mid step. She looks down and spots the small white bottle with a familiar prescription label stuck along the bottle's body nestled in the trash. She stands over the can. She could feel the flames lick her again. 

“Why baby why...” She picks the bottle up, gives it a light shake before squeezing it tightly in her hands. 

“You broke your promise. That’s not right-That’s not fair-You belong to me.” She blurs into the hotel room she shares with her girlfriend and begins to pace the floor, rattling the pills in its bottle as she does so all the while chanting, “Ok...ok...ok…”

  
  
  
  
  
  


**XOXOXOXOXO**

  
  
  


_ She’s not coming. _

That was the thought that ran through Cheryl’s head as she sat in the corner of a nearby bistro a few blocks from her company’s building. She wanted to pick a spot that wasn’t too threatening for Toni and if she was being honest...for herself too. But now, as her leg nervously bounces under the table, the idea of being stood up stampedes transversely through her chest. 

The skittish red head reaches for the cup of tea in front of her; the small teacup clanks against its saucer as her shaky hand picks it up. She closes her eyes as the tea attempts to soothe her nerves, and slow the alarming stampede. She takes one more sip before opening her eyes; her brown orbs landing on the tan leather satchel at her feet before they look up to scan the upscale, yet casual bistro she has been waiting nearly fifteen minutes in patiently. 

From where she’s sitting she could see the entire restaurant. The long tall windows gave a perfect view of the outside goings on; you could see who entered and exited. In the center of the bistro were white linen square tables. On top laid fancy folded chocolate napkins and crystal clear wine glasses; a lit candle in a mosaic glass votive in the center. Four chocolate leather bound chairs were slid under each table. Waiters in little red bow ties walked the wooden aisles, indulging the customers-waving away one that came her way with a red manicured hand.

Cheryl looked down at her phone. No messages. An inner chant of  _ please come...please come...  _ performed in her head. 

Suddenly, as if a genie granting her wish, a figure caught her eye. In the blink of an eye, Cheryl had warped to a space and time where only this moment transpired. The light chatter in the semi crowded bistro faded. Her heart beating doubly in her chest. A ball of nervous elation synthesized her entire body.

“She came.” The red head muttered as the figure walked towards her. 

Cheryl’s eyes danced as she watched the love of her life advance closer and closer to her with each step she took. Other than her double timed heart, everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. Her brown wavy locs swayed down her back with each step.

“Hi.” Cheryl says. Her salutation trembling past the tongue 

“Hello...” Toni answers back., “Sorry I’m late. My Uber driver sucked ass. How do you not know where you’re going? Dude, you’re an _ Uber driver _ .” Shaking her head as she chuckles.

For a moment, Cheryl got lost in the sound of Toni’s sweet raspy voice; her familiar laugh. The way her eyes could hypnotize you with every glance. It felt so fresh and new and easy, yet ancient. She smiled a smile that didn't quite meet her eyes. “It’s ok. Believe it or not, that happened to me before too. 

"Well, if his name was Dave and he drove a silver Buick, then I'd say I believe you.”

A beat passes. And within that beat, nerves dwelled.

“Thought I ghosted you?” Toni says as she crosses her arms. 

“No....”

Toni raises an eyebrow at her response. 

“Ok-for a moment I did.”

They both chuckled as Toni sat in the chair across from Cheryl.

“Whatcha drinking?”

“Tea.”

“What kind?”

“Peppermint.”

“Ahh…peppermint.” Toni leans forward. “You nervous Blossom?”

The close proximity made Cheryl’s breath visibly catch in her throat. Toni smirked and Cheryl nearly swooned...

“Of course...Aren’t you?”

Toni shrugged as she leaned back in her seat. “Curious. Anxious. Lost. Confused. Take your pick. It’s not everyday you lose your memory and five years later gets assaulted by a stranger in a bathroom calling them by a name unknown to you. I say I’m taking it all in stride.”

Cheryl fiddles with the cup in front of her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to overwhelm you…”

“Overwhelm? Shit you scared me woman.”

Cheryl abruptly looks down at her feet. “I-I’m s-sorry. I…”

Toni grabs Cheryl’s hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. The spark from her touch shot up her arm. She looks up and looks into Toni’s eyes….

“I’m here aren’t I?” Cheryl nods. “So, I guess you didn’t scare me too bad.”

Cheryl smiles. “Would you like something? My treat.”

“Sure. Peppermint tea sounds soothing enough.”

Cheryl waves the waiter over and orders a tea and an apple fritter for each of them; along with a refill for herself. 

“So, how are we doing this?” Toni asks once the waiter leaves.

"Well...is there anything you remember?"

Toni shakes her head." All I remember is waking up in a hospital bed with tubes stuck in my arms and nose. Anything before that is a blank slate." A sorrowful frown turned at her lips.

A tear slid down Cheryl's cheek, but she quickly wiped it away with her index finger.

Toni just stared at her with eyes so piercing she felt like Toni could read her mind through them. And she stared back. Praying on any diety that could hear her to show this woman before her all the memories whether good or bad that they shared. 

A loud clanking sound and a burst of laughter broke their trance. She watched as Toni shook her head while she cleared her throat. 

“I have pictures.” Toni apprehensively watches Cheryl reach for the leather satchel at her feet and place it on her lap. Before she opens and pulls out one of the red bound photo albums, Toni glances at a freshly cleared booth diagonally across from them.

"Why don't we sit over there…" she tilts her head to the right. "We'll be much more comfortable yeah?" Cheryl nods and gathers her items while the waiter approaches with their order. Toni directs him to place their food and drink on the booth's table; thanking him before he disperse. 

As Cheryl busies herself with her things, Toni watches her. The smooth milky skin, her plump red lips, the golden glint that sparkles in her chestnut eyes. Her red hair cascading down her back in soft loose waves. She couldn't deny how gorgeous Cheryl Blossom was. Hell...she was a down right knockout. 

"I must like em tall huh?" Toni teases after they've settled into the booth. Cheryl looks up and sees that smirk she knows so well on her face. 

Cheryl shrugs. "To you everyone is tall."

"I blame the accident. It stunted me a few feet."

"Or maybe you were just born that way."

"Ouch! Your jokes sting woman." 

"Just telling it like I see it."

Toni giggles before bringing her tea cup to her lips. Intrigued at how easy the vibe is between them. After savoring her sip she looks at the red head across from her. 

"So, did you move on?"

"Move on?"

"From Toni...well-I suppose...me? Five years is a long time."

Cheryl looked deep into the brunette’s eyes. Wondering why she would ask a question of that nature at a moment like this. 

After quickly deciding probing for an answer was redundant, she answered her. Afterall, Toni was here. Smiling at her the way she remembers. Looking at her with that look that used to turn her to mush. Letting her know she still loved her regardless of the years lost, or the forgotten memory would help. Right? 

Cheryl recalled the blind date she had gone on a few weeks ago, and how dreadful it went. All because she felt like she was betraying Toni.

"I tried to once or twice, but I couldn't. You were one in a million."

They stared at each other. Neither searching. Just stared. Confusion drenched one while desperation showered the other.

A forgotten breath was taken by Cheryl. Her eyes profusely blinked. She took a large bite of her fritter and chewed rather harshly, Toni following suit, glancing at the light fixture, the picture on the wall, anything but Cheryl. 

Thankfully, the waiter checks in on his two customers, breaking the awkwardness between them. 

“You know, I’ve been following your work for a while now. And your book is amazing.” Cheryl expresses after clearing her throat.

“Thank you. You mentioned that in your email. What part of my brilliance captured you?”

The reminiscent reminder of her flirty confidence makes Cheryl laugh softly. 

“Your work reminded me of us...I-I mean…there is one in particular in your book...page fifty-two...entitled  _ Mine’s Eye _ .”

Toni gave an impressed look.

“The background had the most beautiful blue sky I had ever seen captured in a picture. A flock of birds flew over an old worn down cottage. The grounds were lush with green grass and colorful wildflowers were scattered about....”

Toni watched as she described her photo. Cheryl’s eyes cast down; a soft distant smile on her face. 

“That portrait reminded me of how you swooped in and turned my dark horrid life into one of joy. Your art kept the memories alive. Reminded me that I was loved-capable of it- still.”

Toni nodded, wondering what horrible past she was referring to. She saw the hurt and pain swell as she spoke. She pushed it aside, but made a mental note to ask her about it another time.

“The cottage represented me. Well… mostly my mind. If you looked closely enough, the home’s foundation was intact. And even though there was beauty that surrounded me, I felt absent from myself. Cast away from the world even though I was in the world. However, the beauty that circled that old dark cottage with its sturdy foundation told me that life for me wasn’t over. I could start anew. I just had to see it. Hence the title  _ Mine’s Eye _ .”

Cheryl fought the tears from sliding down her pink tinged cheeks. “I’m sorry.” 

“For?”

“It’s just… you’ve been through so much...lost so much. I shouldn’t be comparing my feelings with yours.”

“Nonsense Cheryl. You were explaining to me how my book gave you peace. I couldn’t ask for a better review than that. And maybe, subconsciously my book of pictures was transporting me to a time of my unknown past.”

Cheryl looked into Toni’s eyes. Her heart beating harshly in her chest for the thousandth time. “You know...” She fiddles with the napkin in her lap and swallows before she continues, “before the accident, you competed in a photography competition for a scholarship to NYU.”

Toni looked at Cheryl with her lips slightly parted and a blank expression on her face. “What?” she asked slightly above a whisper.

Cheryl nods. “You won.”

There was a long pause of Toni just staring at the red head across from her. Cheryl stared back intensely. 

“Are you fucking with me right now Ms Blossom?” 

Cheryl shakes her head. “No. For your seventeenth birthday, I bought you a Canon EOS Rebel. It had all the bells and whistles an inspiring photographer could ask for.”

A look of shock flashed in her eyes. “That’s the camera I use. You sure you not fucking with me?” 

“What’s meant to be will always find a way.”

Toni turned her cup up and finished off her tea. After dropping it in its saucer with the shake of her head she says, “I think I need something stronger. Cause this peppermint shit ain’t working.”

Cheryl waved the waiter over and ordered a couple beers for the two of them. 

“Are you alright?” She tenderly asks.

“I want to say that what you just told me was a coincidence, but somewhere deep down I know it’s not.” Toni started to rub her hands up and down her jean clad thighs. Cheryl reached over and grabbed one of her hands. 

“It’s alright. We’ll take it slow. I got youToni.”

Toni looked down at Cheryl’s milky white hand over hers. That electricity she felt when she touched her cheek in the bathroom occurred again, it trickled up her arm. But this time she didn’t run. She didn’t move her hand away. This time she let the sensation build; to let it speak through her body until it overwhelmed her. When she slid her hand from the red head’s their eyes met. The intensity that was shown in Cheryl’s made her dizzy. 

The sound of someone clearing their throat forced them out of their bubble. They looked up, unbeknownst to them the waiter standing over them with a smirk. He sat a pilsner glass in front of each of the women. They thanked him with a nod before he dispersed. Toni immediately picked up her glass and swallowed a few large swigs of the lagar. Cheryl follows suit with a sip of her own.

“Is there anything you remember?”

“No. All I remember is waking up in a hospital, and being told that I was found on the side of the road by some stranger.”

A shiver ran through Cheryl. The thought of her being alone and left for dead made her feel so guilty. She swallowed a large sip of her beer as Toni continued.

“Have you ever heard of those old people with alzheimers? They so gone that they end up walking for miles until somebody finds them in a corn field somewhere? They have no recollection of who they are or where they belong? Well... Heather’s theory is something similar happened to me. Except they found me on the side of the road. Based on my x-rays, my head injury was so severe it’s a miracle I’m alive." 

"Heather?" 

"My doctor." 

"You call your doctor Heather?"

“Yes.”

“Oh...ok.”

"For a while I couldn't walk. I had to go to physical therapy for a year. Broken bones, memory loss. I was a mess. An angry frustrated mess. I didn't know what to do with myself. Until one day, after a rough therapy session, I saw this guy taking pictures of the hospital with this really nice camera. We struck up a conversation. Even gave him some tips on how to operate the damn thing. I don't know how I knew what I was telling him but I did-well, now I guess I do know 

huh?”

Cheryl smiled slightly as she took another sip of beer.

“Anyways for some reason it just clicked. I wanted to take up photography. So Heather…" 

Cheryl flinched; blinking away how unsettling it made her after hearing that name mentioned for the second time.

“...bought me a camera. I took pictures of the kids in the cancer ward for a while. The kids loved it. I would have them dress up as their favorite superhero characters and they would pose in their cute little poses. It was therapeutic. It started to give me purpose and made me see how fortunate I was to be alive-memories or not. Taking those pictures of those kids is what motivated me to walk again. Once I got out of the wheelchair, and I was walking again, I would take little hikes and go on nature trails-always with my camera. It never left my side. Heather told me the world should see my work, so she set up an Instagram account for me. She was the one who gave me the "X" persona. Through that Instagram account an editor for some travel magazine contacted me. Fawning over how stunning my work was. We linked up and he introduced me to my agent, and I just took off from there. My photos-my book helped me to express how I felt. What I needed. What I missed. I mean whatever I couldn't understand about myself my pictures spoke for me. They saved me. Not long after, my work began to take notice in the world of art. It was crazy how quickly sought after I became. All without knowing my name or showing my face.”

Why not show your face. And "X"? Why?" 

"At first, when the idea of not naming myself or showing my face was pitched to me I wasn't on board. But, after being convinced of the impact it would have on my new career I agreed. Besides, no one looked for me Cheryl. I was left for dead. Would have been buzzard meat if some stranger didn't see my lifeless body lying on the side of the road. What would it matter anyway." 

Cheryl didn’t know what to say. All she wanted to do was hold her and never let her go. She listened on with the pang of regret squeezing her chest tightly.

Toni’s voice rose. Her tone raw; nearly hostile. 

“No one cared enough to post a pic on social media or even a damn milk carton. I was just some lonely faceless soul no one gave a damn about. And because of that, I withheld my face. And not giving myself a name wouldn't matter. I didn't feel the need or even the strength to honestly. So I agreed. Stamping X on all my work it was." 

Toni closed her eyes and took a deep breath; releasing it while looking at the hurt in the woman directly across from her. With a frown she continued.

"For legal purposes- you know, driver's license, bank accounts, shit like that, I gave myself a name. Antoinette.

Cheryl gasped. Her eyes expanded in its sockets. She squeezed the handle of her pilsner glass. And chuckled. 

Toni leaned back in her seat and looked at her with a raised eyebrow. “What’s so funny?”

“Antoinette... is your real name.”

“But Toni…”

“Is just what you went by. Antoinette is  _ your _ name. Antoinette Topaz”

“Hmm… she says in thought. Leaning her elbows on the table. “Sounds all regal and shit.”

Cheryl laughs. Toni joins in. Shaking her head at all of the ironic surprises this meet-up has thrown at her feet. Once the laughs subside, Toni clears her throat then asks. 

“Why didn’t you look for me?” 

The question blurted out before she thought it through. 

Did she want the answer to this question? Was she ready for that deep truth? 

All those questions no longer mattered. It was out now. Appealing for a truthful answer. So she sat still across from the red head. Waiting anxiously.

Cheryl was silent. The guilt eating at her insides. 

"Did they find a body?" Another blurted question. The demand in her voice shocking to both women.

"You loved your motorcycle…"

Cheryl began. She looked at Toni as she explained, but her distant look on her face told Toni that she had been transported to another place and time.

"...You used to tease that you loved your bike almost as much as you loved me. You were always safe on it. Always responsible." With the shake of her head and a swig of her beer she continued.

"It was my nineteenth birthday. You and our friends were throwing me a party. You told me you would be home early so we could get ready for it together. You were late. I called you and I texted you. I called our friends and they hadn’t spoken to you since earlier that day. I knew how caught up you would get when you were doing something, but you promised you’d call...you always kept your promises to me...and it was my birthday."

Toni watched as tears welled in the corner of her eyes. 

"Then my phone rang. It was Sheriff Keller. He said you had been in an accident." 

Her voice trembled. Her arms crossed her body. A tear trickled down her cheek.

"When we got there it....it was bad. Your bike was in a ditch, but you were nowhere to be found. They found your jacket and blood near bear tracks in the woods. Th-the sheriff said you...you were- attacked... by a bear." 

Then the tears rained. This was the first time Cheryl had ever told what happened aloud. She swallowed the tears that she choked on as she recollected the worst moment in her twenty-four years of living.

She could see the anger in the brunette quickly grow tenfold. The resentment in her eyes raged. Her hands balled into fists. Her teeth clamped together. Her upper lip trembled.

"You were loved Toni." Cheryl cries. A plea of desperation and fear blanketing her.

"I was forgotten. Left for dead." She spits through gritted teeth. 

Toni shakes her head frantically; rises from the booth, nearly spilling their drinks as she does so.

“I-I don’t think this was a good idea. I-I can't be here right now...I can't do this. I'm sorry. I thought I was ready."

Cheryl’s heart that was once beating so fast in her chest has now stopped. She scrambles to her feet. She reaches for the overwhelmed woman’s forearm, but her fingertips only brush an elbow.

“What...no Toni stay.”

“Toni’s gone. You left her for dead, remember?”

"Toni p-please l-look at the pictures. You'll see. You had a life. You were happy. You were loved. You had friends...you had me." 

Toni takes the steps necessary to leave when in a last distressed effort to get her back Cheryl blurts out. "You have a tattoo of a serpent below your left breast. You have another tattoo of a butterfly on the nape of your neck."

Toni pauses in her tracks. Her back stiffens as it faces Cheryl. Cheryl continues.

"You have sixteen freckles covering the bridge of your nose and your cheekbones. I know it's sixteen because I counted them every morning I watched you sleep."

Toni turns and faces the tear stricken woman. Her hands tugged the sleeves of her blouse as she sat on the edge of her seat. 

“I don’t know how to handle this.” She stretches her arms out from her side, her palms facing upwards as she shakes them harshly. 

“I know.”

“No you don’t.” Toni bites. Her voice raised an octave higher.

“I lost too.”

Toni scoffs

“I can only imagine how hard it was to hear what I just told you, but I had to live it. Everyday. For five long years. Even in my dreams.”

Toni moves to leave again. Cheryl speaks fiercely to keep her near.

“I never forgot you. Even if I wanted to I couldn’t.”

Toni crosses her arms over her chest, her hip cocked sideways as she listens to Cheryl’s frantic tales.

“You asked me if I moved on. You remember what I said? I said I tried, but you were one in a million. Look, I know this is a hard pill to swallow, but it’s a pill worth swallowing nonetheless. Don't walk out on the chance to remember. To know who you are. Please.”

Cheryl watches as the fire in her eyes subsided. She drops her arms to her side, lowering her defenses. Her head tilts slightly and that world famous smirk appears on those plump lips of hers. 

"Sixteen huh?" 

Cheryl viciously nods, laughs through her tears. 

"And your butterfly tattoo is blue."

"Wait, don't tell me you drew my tats on."

Cheryl laughs through her tears. "No, but I could have."

"Yeah, I remember reading somewhere you had mad skills with colored pencils."

"Colored pencils?... Cheryl tsked. “...Hardly. I'm no preschooler. But yeah. I'm an artist."

“So we were just two passionate artists helplessly in love?"

"In a word. Yes." Cheryl said it with all the honesty and sincerity she knew how to muster. 

Toni smiled and with a nod towards the satchel she said. "Shall we crack open those albums?"

  
  
  


**\---------------------**

Cheryl watched Toni as she reacted to each picture she presented to her in each of the red leather bound books that were chronically categorized by year, date, and moment.

When Toni saw herself for the first time in a photo of them together, their arms wrapped around the others waist with big smiles as they gazed in each other’s eyes. Toni was silent; just stared. Cheryl watched cautiously as her finger grazed over it. "That's me...with pink hair." Cheryl shook her head joyfully, but her joyous smile faded when Toni showed no readable expression.

For hours Cheryl showed her picture after picture after picture of memories they shared, of events attended with their mutual friend groups. After the second album was presented, Toni began to relax, and ask a few questions; she even laughed as Cheryl told her a story of how she fell and nearly broke her ankle trying to learn a dance. And at some point, she slid on Cheryl's side of the booth, nestling herself close to the redhead to inspect further. She showed Toni drawings that she had drawn of her and rolled her eyes when the brunette pronounced jokingly, “I looked hot.” 

They had been there for so long; basking in each other’s company, Cheryl detailing stories of their happy past that they didn’t realise the sun had gone down. 

“Wow. Time flies when you’re having fun, huh Blossom?”

“Sure does.”

“Thank you...for showing me this. It means alot.”

The red head nodded, running her finger over the gold lettering in front of the photo book. “D-did anything...come to mind?”

Toni watches as the hope in her eyes filter from them after she shakes her head no. 

“But who knows…" Toni says, "maybe we should try it again...o-or not. After the job you hired me to do?”

“Oh, I forgot all about that." A twinkle flashes in Cheryl's eyes. "Are you still willing to accept?”

“It would be my pleasure. And...it would give us more time together...I-I mean for my memory and all, you know?”

They just stared at each other. Neither searching. Only admiring. 

After an unknown amount of moments later, a woman in a black pants suit cleared her throat in front of them, breaking the two women from their trance. 

With a kind smile and tone to match she told them that they were closing soon. Toni pulled out a credit card from her purse and handed it to the woman after thanking her. Once the woman walked away, she faced the brunette again. 

"The manager must think the worst of us. We've been here all day."

Cheryl shrugged. "We bought food and drinks. I think she's fine." 

Another beat passes.

“Can you come by my office tomorrow morning? We can discuss our business there.”

“To get a chance to capture Cheryl Blossom up close and personal...it would be an honor.”

“The honor will be all mine. I'm going to have an entire photoshoot with the most sought after photographer around.”

"Now that you mentioned it, you're right. You  _ are _ the lucky one."

"You know, you may have no memory of the way we were, but one thing still remains the same."

"And what's that Ms Blossom?"

"You're still as cocky as ever."

They both laughed softly as the manager walked up and handed Toni back her card.

  
  


The two women didn’t speak again until they had stepped out of the bistro. The moon was full and shined brightly against the night sky. 

They just stared at each other again, brown eyes staring back at brown. A light breeze wisped through them, causing red strands to whip across Cheryl’s left cheek. She quickly smoothed it back with her hand. Another softer breeze came shortly after, causing more strands to fall forward. Toni reacted quickly, tucking them behind her ear. She didn’t miss the gasp that escaped Cheryl’s mouth, or the shock of electricity that surged from where her fingertips touched her ear, running up her arm, past her elbow. And the look on Cheryl's face told her she felt it too.

“What is this?” Toni whispered. The confusion in her timbre parallel to the expression on her face. “Are you real? Are you fucking with me? If you are stop it.”

Cheryl steps closer to her. Their lips mere centimeters from each other. “Forget the pictures I showed you, forget the stories I told you. What does your heart say?”

Toni took a trembling breath, struggling and overwhelmed in the moment. Cheryl doubles down.

“There is something inside that is telling you everything you need to know. Listen to it. It will lead you back to me.”

Toni shook her head. She felt Cheryl's cold fingers touch her cheek. She could feel the warmth of her breath traverse her lips. She became overcome with the need to kiss this stranger who literally knew her more than she knew herself.

_ What is this? _

_ What am I doing? _

Then suddenly, a switch flicked on in her. She took a step away from the red head. She crossed her arms in front of her and looked down at the boots on her feet. 

“I’m sorry.” She glances at the distraught redhead. The look in her eyes caused Toni to look away again. “This is too much.” 

“No...I apologize. I came on too strong. It won’t happen again.”

Cheryl saying it won't happen again made something in the brunette heartbroken. But she took another step back regardless.

“You remember the woman I mentioned to you earlier...Heather?”

“Your doctor.”

Toni nods. “She’s my girlfriend.”

Cheryl’s heart dropped to her feet. “O-oh.” 

Cheryl takes a step back of her own. Her back stiffened and her voice changed.

“I will expect you in my office at 9am sharp. We have a lot of work to do and little time to do it.”

With that Cheryl turns on her heels and struts to her awaiting vehicle on the side of the road. Her driver opens the door and she hauls herself inside; tears raining down her cheeks the moment the door is shut. 

The side effects of being without Toni after believing that she tragically died? That was too much for her to deal with. She just found her now she’s lost to her again? This is too much for one person to bear. 


	7. My Fear Clings To You No More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Don't burn me at the stake. I know it's been about three weeks since I last posted. My apologies. I'm trying to commit to a set post schedule but I don't want to make promises I can't keep. But my goal is to post the next chapter by next Sunday. Fingers crossed. 
> 
> I want to thank everyone who have left comments and kudos. They keep my on this journey.
> 
> There isn't any Choni in this chapter but it is very important to the story. But from the next chapter on it will be pretty much all Choni. 
> 
> This chapter gives a bit more insight into Toni and Heather's relationship. I tried to show Toni's vulnerability and how Heather takes advantage of that. Their situation is toxic to say the least. Anyway, please enjoy.

Toni opened the door to her shared hotel room and noticed that Heather was not there. Locking the door behind her, she takes a heavy breath; relieved that she didn't have to go through whatever the drama that she would have had to endure if she were there.

She drags her overly taxed body to the loveseat at the foot of the bed, plopping down heavily. Today was long and tiring. Every corner of her brain throbbed. The engagement she had with Cheryl Blossom kept replaying in her head on the Uber ride back. Nothing she said or showed her in those photo albums were familiar to her. No story she told her flashed knowingly to her fragile mind. However, she couldn't deny the connection that sparked between them. Toni didn't have to see one picture, or hear one story to believe something was drawing her to Cheryl. She knows it's going to take time, but she's willing to give herself that. But after the way the night ended between them, Toni was afraid Cheryl wouldn't give her the courtesy of that. 

There's no doubt that the situation was delicate and extremely fragile. But why did her disposition change so fast? The woman’s entire attitude drastically changed at the snap of a finger. It was as if the redhead beauty had a split personality. And her storming off like that made everything about the evening even more confusing for Toni. 

“Shit...” She says aloud as she unties the laces of her boots. “I don’t know who the fuck I am, but I’m worried about Cheryl Blossom...a friggin stranger.”

Toni shrugs her tiny feet from her Doc Martens, the heels of the rug underneath her muffling the thump from the boots’ heel. Rising from the cushioned bench at the foot of the bed, she pads to the bathroom, and turns on the shower As she waits for the temp to rise, she strips off her clothing then steps into the hot steamy relief; closing her eyes and sighing deeply at the feeling of the day dissolving away. 

Fifteen minutes later, her feet lands onto the heated tiled floor. Scattered droplets of water moving smoothly down from her face down her neck; gliding effortlessly from her chest; over the mounds of her ample breasts and between its valley, descending over the tight muscles of her stomach. 

Toni stares at her dank naked anatomy through the rectangle mirror over the sink. The fixture light above it highlighting her features sharply. She looked at herself as if seeing her body for the first time. 

In awe of herself, she slid her wet hand across her stomach; landing it over the serpent tattoo; tracing it with her middle finger slowly. She suddenly remembered Cheryl in the moment she had attempted to leave when the conversation became too much for her to bear, and in a frenzied moment of desperate despair Cheryl blurted out the personal modifications of her body that only a person who knew her intimately only could. She took her free hand and ran it across the back of her neck. Not only did the red headed stranger know of the butterfly that was branded there, but of its color too. 

_ There’s nothing ironic about her knowing something so personal. _

The sound of the door closing in the other room broke her from her spell binding thoughts. Grabbing a towel, she began drying herself off like a teenagager hiding something from an adult. By the time Heather stood in the bathroom’s doorway, Toni was wrapping her head of curls in a white fluffy towel. 

“Hi.” Toni says with a crooked smile. 

Heather folds her arms under her breasts and leans her shoulder against the doorframe. 

“Hi.”

There was brief silence. The sound of the shower head dripping slow droplets faintly from behind. The whirring of the vent above provides white noise through the silence. Heather just watched as she dabbed moisturizer on her caramel latte skin. Two minutes into her face routine Toni cuts an eye at her. She immediately pauses her actions to look at the blond. “Honey, I know you want me to tell you about what happened, but I am really exhausted.”

Heather didn’t say anything. Instead, she uncrossed her arms and made the few steps forward to her girlfriend; stepping her towering figure behind her and staring at her through the mirror. Toni stares back at green eyes she’s seen so many times before staring back-unreadable. Toni furrowed her eyebrows. She was about to ask what was wrong, but before her mouth could form a word, Heather was wrapping her arms around her robe clad waist from behind. She placed her chin on her shoulder as she watched her through the mirror. 

“”You know what you need…” Heather says, “...something to relax you after the day you’ve had.”

A look of surprise flashes across Toni’s face. She thought Heather was going to demand answers to all of her burning questions about the event of the day, and she wasn't mindfully ready to activate that part of communication aloud yet. And Heather realizing that was a truly refreshing surprise for her. Toni turns her head to give the blonde a peck on the cheek. “That sounds really good. Thank you.”

Heather releases her arms from the brunette’s waist. “I just bought a bottle of your favorite wine…” She proceeds to walk out of the bathroom as she continues. “...I’ll pour you a glass.”

  
  
  


**XOXOXOXOXO**

  
  
  


“So what.”

Josie aggressively proclaims to Cheryl after breaking down the facts to everything that happened that day at the bistro. 

“What do you mean so what Josie? The doctor that nursed her back to health is her girlfriend!” The realization of the current events abruptly forced the redhead’s shoulders to slump; eyes casted downward as her voice trailed, lowering into a sad embrace. “How can I compete with that!?”

“Ok, first of all, Toni is not one hundred percent healthy. She’s mentally disfigured.” Cheryl frowned at her friend's choice of wordage. “Second, this doctor…” she snaps her fingers, trying to remember the name of the woman Cheryl told her. “...Helen…” 

“Heather.”

“Whatever.” She flamboyantly waves her hands in the air. “She may need her damn head checked cause there has to be some doctor/patient rules this bitch done broke…”

“Josie!” Cheryl chastises, but her friend ignores her and continues.

“Once we get our girl’s memory back she’ll be telling this Dr. Heather to kick rocks.”

“You think so?”

“Cher...based on what you told me, there is already something there. She just needs to be around people who know her and care for her and love her. Those memories will be back before you know it.”

"But there's history between them."

"There's history here." Josie directs a finger at Cheryl's chest. Then presses that same finger at her chest. "And here. We are her family.  _ We _ are."

Cheryl nods at her factual proclamation. Josie notices Cheryl press her nails into her left palm and slides her slender hand in hers. An encouraging smile directs toward her redheaded friend. 

They sit in comforting silence for a while. Cheryl enjoying the quiet repose of her friend since grade school. Grateful for having such loving people in her world-to keep her sane-to keep her from not being alone. The redhead squeezes the hand of the woman who has become more family than friend. A grateful smile spreads across her red lips before Josie interrupts the moment. 

“Veronica had to stop me from calling the gang.”

"Is that why she stormed out of my room behind you this morning?"

"Yeah girl.” Her voice raises an octave.” I was about to spread the good news!" 

An airy laugh escapes. Then as fast as it came it evaporates. Clusters of regret lurch across her face. 

"Even Sweet Pea?" A knot materializes tightly in her chest. 

"Especially Sweet Pea. Veronica reminded me that it wasn’t my place to tell him though.”

"H-how is he?" This is the first time in five years Cheryl has asked about his well being. 

Josie shook her head. "Remember last month when I took a trip to Riverdale to visit my mom? I swung by Pea's.” She pauses, observes Cheryl’s sadden reaction before continuing.

“He's sober now. Fangs is getting him back on track.” She pauses again, notices how her hand twitches once...twice in her own. She gives it a reassuring squeeze and continues. ”He's reopened his motorcycle repair shop. Fixing bikes again."

The thought of how she treated him at Toni’s memorial came to memory and Cheryl shook her head. “Not yet. I don’t want to overwhelm her more than she already is.”

“Yeah. That’s what V said. I was about to get carried away. I just miss my best friend.”

“I know.”

“But you know he could help with her memory right?” Josie gingerly asks.

Cheryl licks her lips as she blinks a bit faster than normal. “Do you think it’s my fault he…”

“Cheryl, girl, listen to me, and listen good…” Josie felt Cheryl’s hand slipping from hers and she grabbed hold of her fingers before they escaped tightly. ”Sweet Pea loves you. He has been eating himself alive with guilt. What happened is no one's fault. Shit happens. Some shit worse than other shit. But shit nonetheless. And we are lucky cause no matter how bad our shit is- _ was _ , we get a second chance. Who do you know has it as fortunate as we do? What was lost is now found. We considered her dead, but she’s alive.  _ Alive _ Cheryl. That’s why I think it will be in the best interest of everybody if he knows...Maybe sooner than later.” She said the last part tentatively.

Josie studies the woman she considers more sister than friend. She can tell by the twist of her lips, the distant look in her eyes, the twitch of her jaw that the gears in that brain of hers were turning. With one last coaxing she asks.

“You want Toni back don’t you?”

“Yes.” Cheryl answers without hesitation.

“He can help. You know he can.”

The look of thought and understanding advances her features then morphed to fear and hurt. 

“I said some horrific things to him Jo.”

Josie nods. ”He won’t blame you. And believe me when I say that he blames himself more. I’m not telling you what to do or how to handle this Cher, but I feel it’s better to tell him sooner than later. Not for yourself or for Pea, but for Toni.”

Cheryl just nods. The gears of decision noticeable in her features again. Josie lets them turn a few seconds more before interfering. 

“Guess what...Toni is alive!”

Cheryl looks at her curly haired friend. A humongous smile spreading across her face. 

“Toni is alive!”

  
  
  
  


**XOXOXOXOXO**

  
  
  


Toni wakes up feeling like shit. 

Despite drinking only one glass of wine before bed, she woke up with the feeling of a woman who drank more than. She grunted as she rose her back from the bed, running her fingers through her frazzled mane, attempting to untangle some of the curls at the crown. That’s when she spotted Heather exiting the walk-in closet next to the bathroom entrance dragging her carry-all behind her.

“Heather? What are you doing? You leaving?”

“I have to go back to Canada for a few days. The hospital needs me.”

“Oh...ok.” Her raspy voice croaks from sleep.

“Are you coming with?”

“I can’t honey. You know that.” The brunette answers with a yawn as she stretches.

Toni tilts her head to the side; observes how Heather bites the inside of her cheek. A common occurrence when she’s attempting to still her anger from rising. 

“Right…” Heather bitterly bites, shoving a neatly folded blouse a bit too roughly inside her bag. “You have a very important job to do. Take pictures of Cheryl Blossom, the famous business mogul.”

“Why are you being like this? I just woke up. I have a splitting headache. And I have to get ready for one of the biggest jobs of my career. And you are leaving to go back to Canada. You could have told me last night..”

“You were not in the head space.”

“For my girlfriend to tell me she’s going back home? In a time when I need her the most?”

“Do you need me Antoinette?” She's halted her actions now. The tall blond staring intently at the brunette who moves uncomfortably from under the covers. The look in her honey eyes sharp with intent.

“Where is this coming from? And why do you always try to make me feel guilty whenever we have a difference of opinion?”

“What! That’s not true!”

“Oh it’s totally true. I may have lost my memory, but I'm no fool Heather. I…" Toni then suddenly releases a hard breath. She blinks away her frustration and shakes her head. 

"... you know what-it doesn’t matter. I’ve suspected this before, but it’s starting to become crystal clear to me now. You don’t want me to remember who I am.”

“I can’t  _ believe  _ you just said that.”

“Admit it Heather.” She demands softly

Heather scoffs. “This is the worst vacation ever.”

“It sure is. You’re leaving.”

“Seems you left me first.”

The semi truth of her statement shakes her, but she pushes back. “Oh give me a friggin break Heath. I can’t take a breath without you having a fit.”

“I love you! Do you not see? All I’ve done for you! All I’ve given up…”

“Given up! What exactly have you given up? Please tell me. Your career? No, cause you’re still a doctor. Your family? No, cause your dad and sister call you damn near everyday-who by the way hates me.”

“They don’t hate you.” Heather snorts and Toni carries on.

“Oh I know…” Toni snaps her fingers, “...your memory. Not being able to recall who you are. Who your family is. Something as simple as knowing your fucking name.” 

Just then, every emotion Toni’s ever endured publishes in her wide doe-like eyes. And it hurts to think of it all; even harder to speak it, but it’s her moment. A long awaited voice inside longing to deliver its truth. 

A tremble sizzles her tone and projects through her arms down to her feet like a crackling fire; everything she’s held inside powers from her tongue. And oh how freeing it felt to release her suppressed beast after five long years of restraint.

”It’s the simple things really...not remembering if I liked to eat my vegetables as a kid. What games did I like to play with my friends? Did I have friends? Do I have a dad and a sister-family like you? Why and when did I get this tattoo of a snake on my ribcage?" She slaps her hand across the side of her stomach. "How did I get this scar on my thigh? Can you tell me? Huh? No, you can't doctor, so don’t you  _ dare _ tell me what you have given up.” 

The brunette exhales a long breath. Her small frame looks smaller than normal as she moves toward Heather until she can feel the heat raging from her still body. She tilts her head slightly to meet green eyes-green eyes that bore in her own. She carries on.

“You know, I'll admit...out of fear, I relied heavily on you. Especially in the beginning. And fear has a funny way of clinging on. It dominates, doesn't want to let go, and slowly it crept into my norm.”

Toni reaches for Heather’s hand. 

“You helped me so much. And I thank you for that...” Heather gasps when she feels Toni’s hand slip from hers faster than the touch could be enveloped. “...but I slowly made you a part of that frightful norm. And that wasn't right. It wasn't fair. And for that I apologize. But you...you took advantage of my vulnerabilities. You attempted to manipulate me at every chance you got.” 

Toni takes a step backwards. She watches as a tear slips down Heather’s pale cheek.

“Since this vacation started I’m beginning to see me for who I really am. Actually, I’ve always known, but I thought I needed you to be my everything because I was afraid to live in this world lost and alone.”

Toni moves to grab her robe off the foot of the bed.

All the blood in the blond's body has departed her body now.

“Antoinette, what is happening!” The blond bellows. The tears are constant now.

“I think it's good that we’re spending some time apart. We have been too absorbed in each other. I need to find myself. And so do you.” She tightens the tie on her robe and sighs. “I’m not afraid of being alone anymore.”

Heather wipes the tears from her face harshly. Her red cheeks matching her timbre.

“Oh so that redheaded heifer showed you some pictures and…you know what never mind.”

Toni snaps her head in the blonds direction.

“What did you say? How do you know that?”

“You told me-last night.” Heather studders.

“I did no such thing.”

“You did. After your third glass of wine.”

“I only drank one glass and went to sleep right after.”

Heather opened and closed her mouth. Her eyes dance in her sockets as she frantically searches for the right words to say.

“Did you follow me yesterday?”

“What? No!”

“Then how do you know about the pictures Cheryl showed me?”

“I-I-I…”

“Goddammit answer me Heather!” Toni claps her hands together so hard the sound bounced around the large bedroom; causing Heather to flinch. She’d never seen Antoinette like this before. She watched her honey brown orbs glare at her with fury. Her nostrils flare. Her hands balled into fists at her side. This was not the woman she was used to controlling and manipulating. This was the look of a woman who was done-fed up. Heather searched for something, anything to say to get her back on her side. But nothing came out.

_ Think Heather! Think! _

“Fuck it.” Toni says and turns to leave when…

“I watched the two of you sitting side by side in that bistro. And it damn near broke me.”

Toni turns to face her slowly as she continues.

“Yes, I followed you yesterday Antoinette. I followed you because I needed to see for myself...to know for myself. How can I compete with Cheryl Blossom? A multi-millionaire for your heart? I’m just a plain ole run of the mill physician. I will never be able to compete with your past if she is apart of it.”

“Compete? This isn’t a damn competition woman. This is about me. My past. Learning who I am. For the first time in five years I think I can finally unlock the mystery of who I am. The fact that you are making this about you proves exactly what I just said. You are selfish and controlling. If you want to be apart of my life I need a partner that supports me.”

Heather rushes to the petite woman she’s obsessed over and grabs her hands; giving them a light squeeze.

“I know. And I see that now. I care about you so much that I tend to get obsessive.”

“That’s not healthy Heath. I need my space. Now more than ever.”

“Ok. And I will support you in every way. I promise.”

Heather grabs the brunette's shoulders and pulls her in for a tight embrace. She closes her eyes and releases a shuddering breath. 

_ I will  _ **_Not_ ** _ lose you to  _ **_Her_ ** _! _

  
  



	8. Unconscious Memories Brought Me Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...Hi guys. Please don't be mad at me. I know it's been a while. But I'm here now. And just know that I am not giving up on this fic. I have an idea for another one after this one is complete. This one is not quite 3000 words, but it's 100% all Choni. Please leave a comment if you feel the urge to. I want to tank everyone that is still around to read it. So... yeah...without further ado chapter 8 is here for you! (Hehe. See what I did there?)

"Cute necklace. Did I...I mean did  _ your _ Toni give it to you?"

Toni asks the redhead who’s sitting so close to her that she can feel the tickle of her short breaths on her cheek and the hint of peppermint on her tongue.

They’ve been sitting in one of the once vacant office spaces of The Maple Corporation; pouring over the raw and unedited photos scattered over a long light table in the far corner of the semi-large space that were captured by the petite freelancer since early morning. 

Cheryl had provided everything Toni needed to make her job as easy and convenient as possible; even assigning one of her young interns to be her assistant. She had told the woman it was unnecessary, but Cheryl had vehemently insisted. Over the past four days of them working closely together Toni had realized that the woman’s fierce persistence in every and all things left no room for debate. And if she was being honest with herself, it was a captivating trait.

Cheryl’s short flutters of breath paused on the brunette's cheek. Toni studies her, observes how she brushes her index finger over the ruby diamond pendant that lay delicately in her chest. 

With the slight of her head, Cheryl sees rich honey orbs staring curiously back at her. She nods faintly, inspecting the woman’s gaze upon her. The familiarity of it was prevalent, yet that special spark she used to see when she looked upon her was not there. 

It broke her heart, yet the unrelenting determination to get HER Toni back was worth a thousand heart breaks if it meant her memories returned. So Cheryl risked the pain of retelling the torturous nightmare of her demise.

Cheryl turns away from Toni to look upon the cherished necklace that has never left her neck for five years. "Birthday gift." She says above a whisper. "Last gift you gave me." 

Cheryl looks back at the love of her life, hoping for a glimmer of something, anything in her countenance. Dejectedly, she turns away; releasing her paused breath shakily. 

“How?” 

“What?”

“How was it given to you? Was there some big romantic act I put on display? Like...were there candles lit all around a dimly lit bedroom with rose petals and champagne?” Toni pronounces with a light chuckle.

Toni Immediately regrets her question. The light hearted chuckle evaporates and is replaced with regretful misgiving when she sees the woefulness flood the redheads' features

“Cheryl...I’m sorry...I…damn! I'm such an idiot.” The urge to reach for the woman's hand consumes her, but decides against it, worrying what the implications would be for her scattered mind.

The red head nods and sniffles; giving a light tug to the cherry pendant. 

“This was my anchor. This was how I kept you alive-in my heart.”

Toni looks at her nervously, yet she turns in her seat to face the woman fully, listening to every word told; hoping that maybe-just maybe, something in her mind sparks so that the woman before her could no longer look at her the way she does.

_ God if only... _

“This was your gift to me the night you…” 

She wavered off, fearing the wash of familiar emotions that are connected to that word, that  **_D_ ** word. That four letter word that ends with the same letter as its last... **_D_ ** . 

For that same word that ends and starts with **_D_ ** extended to her as well, not literally, but to her, the same, resolutely linked- dismal and depressed and despondent, all independently linked to that four letter word that starts and ends in  **_D_ ** . 

So, with the clear of her throat and the glance at her lost and not yet found, Cheryl proceeds to tell her of how this dainty piece of jewelry/anchor was gifted. 

“I remember I had been trying to get little hints from you about what you were getting me for my twentieth birthday. And you would catch me snooping around the house.” Toni smiles, watches as the broken woman transports to that particular moment of their past. 

“You would just watch me search the entire house, giggling and teasing me the whole time.” A distant smile touches the redheads lips. “After the memorial service for you, Josie gave me a red velvet box. Told me that you gave it to her to keep because I was _ ‘going to find it’. _ ” They both release a breathy laugh, yet it doesn’t reach far enough to turn up the corners of their mouth. “Inside was this.” 

Toni looks on as she holds onto the necklace a bit more harshly. “Sounds like we were happy.” Toni rasps. 

“We were in love…” Cheryl turns to face her fully. “...deeply.” Toni watched as her rich mahogany orbs pierced hers; holding her gaze; searching. And Toni allowed it, searching as well, wishing that maybe, just maybe, if she stared just a bit longer or just a little harder something-anything would spark. 

Yet, once again, the moment ended the same way all the others have. Cheryl lets out a small trembling breath, dropping her head to her lap so that the tear that threatens to escape the corner of her eye won’t be seen. 

One of those  **_D_ ** words fill her spirit again-despair. It was too much. She thought she could risk recalling the memory; sacrificing the nightmare for the one in a million chance of Toni remembering, but it was for not; only resurfacing her own years of torture. 

Unable to handle this torturous agony any longer, the redhead moves to leave, but Toni grabs her elbow. A current of electricity shoots up her arm through the smooth fabric of her blouse. Toni must have felt it too because when she looks at her she notices her sharp intake of breath and hears the slight tremble of her raspy voice when she says, “Don’t give up on me.” 

And then it hits her, like a whizzing fastball to the head. Cheryl realized that all the words that connected to that four letter word that starts and ends with  **_D_ ** could now be replaced, for they no longer applied. Toni is not  **dead,** she had not  **died,** she was alive, and willing to know who she was; depending on her to help her remember. And by God Cheryl was definitely determined to do just that. 

“Never.” Cheryl affirms, connecting her slender fingers with the warm pecan hand, rekindling that intimate spark that’s beginning to become commonplace with their simple touches.

Cheryl watches the brunette as she stares at their joined hands. Her thumb brushes over her red nails. The harsh lines that crease her brow causing concern.

“Toni...you ok?” She asks softly.

“I sometimes have these dreams…” Toni speaks slightly above a whisper, “... Red. Always red…” Toni drifted off, her thumb still rubbing her red fingertips. Cheryl didn’t respond, just studied her lost and found, anxious for what she was to say next. 

“They were so vivid and constant once I came to California, to vacation.” Toni looks up at her, an intense look of confusion etched over her features. “It was like I was being pulled by something. And even though it freaked me out, I was hell bent on figuring out what my dreams were and what it ment.” Cheryl squeezes the hand that was caressing her nails, encouraging her to continue. 

“I remember watching this black Rolls Royce exiting a gas station one night. For some crazy reason, I was so drawn to it. The tint on the windows were blacked out, but in the back, the window was cracked just a bit for me to see a flash of red right before it drove off.” Toni shook her head, attempting to erase the memory to come back to the present. “It kept me up all night thinking about it.”

Toni looks up at the redhead; watches as her long lashes open and close rapidly before a low chuckle starts from her belly, building louder and bellowing stronger out her mouth. Toni frowns and attempts to let go of her hand before Cheryl holds on to it tighter; watches as the concern grows across the brunette’s face. Her hearty laughter subsides, taking a deep breath before she explains what appears to be a manic reaction to Toni’s confession.

“I apologize." She clears her throat. "You must think the worst of me right now.” 

“What…” Toni says with the tilt of her head, “...never crossed my mind.”

“Oh really? You were about to bolt if I didn’t grab your hand tighter.”

“Nah, if I wanted to leave I’d been gone." She proclaims with a smirk across her lips and with the warmth of her smooth comforting rasp rolling off her sweet tongue. Oh how Cheryl missed that combination of security. "Although, I will admit that you do have a super human type grip on you woman.”

Cheryl rolls her eyes, holding on to her fingers a bit tighter, observing how Toni's wrist relaxes under her grip. She looks down at their uniquely contrasted fingers. Porcelain beautifully linked with slender sweet pecan ones. 

The playful expressions between the two were suddenly replaced with one of seriousness. Their light inhales and exhales of breath carousels around the ticking of the clock on the wall behind them, breaking the silence in the semi-large office space until the soft whisper of the amnesiac women's name coaxes that silence.

“Toni…"

"Yes."

"...would you believe me if I told you that the person in the back of the Rolls Royce was me?”

Toni squints her eyes and furrows her brow. Then suddenly, her mouth parted with a gasp and her eyes enlarged as if they were caught like a deer in headlights. Cheryl watches as her thumb and index finger unconsciously went back to rubbing the smooth red polish on Cheryl's hand. She looks up at her fiery red hair as her free hand slowly inches it's way towards it. With trembling fingers, she runs her hand through it, starting at the temple, finger combing through it; starting back at her temple and down again slowly, ignoring the shocks of electricity with each pass of her fingers. 

"The red…" Toni speaks. Her voice trembling. Her eyes fixated on Cheryl's fiery red locks. "...I would see it in my dreams. Never a face, but always red. Always. I would run from it. Did everything to not see it. Even took pills to avoid it until I couldn't." Toni scoffs, pauses her small trembling fingers at the back of Cheryl's head. Their eyes padlocked on each other. "All these years I've been so afraid of them. If only I had embraced them sooner maybe I'd..."

"You're here now. That's all that matters now."

"But if…"

Cheryl shushes her with a slender finger to plump glossy lips. 

"Dwelling on what ifs will not help us right now. Ok? You're here, and I'm not letting you go. You hear me? You WILL get your memory back."

Toni palms the back of Cheryl's head and took a shaky, yet cleansing sigh. The red head lifts her lost love's head up with the same finger that silenced her doubts a few seconds ago. She saw the hope and the fear and the doubt all mingled in Toni's tear filled eyes, and in that moment Cheryl wished that she had a magic wand to go back in time; to make all the pain disappear, and put everything back to the way it used to be. Back to the time when they were happy and full of promise. Then, like a strike of a match, an idea suddenly struck her marvelous mind. 

"I meant what said Toni. I am determined to get your memory back, and what better way than watching your favorite movies along with your favorite selection of snacks."

A hopeful glint flashes the brunette's eyes and quickly accepts Cheryl's invitation.

  
  
  
  


**XOXOXOXOXO**

  
  
  


“So where do you think we would be right now?” 

The brunette asks as she sips the remainder of her vanilla coke, turning her head towards the red head as the credits to one of Toni’s favorite crime dramas roll down the large screen. Shocked by the question, Cheryl mutes the television before turning her body slightly towards the woman and confidently answers.

“We would be running our winery together. We would be happily married. With a dog.”

Toni chuckles. “A dog? I don’t peg you as an animal lover.”

“I’m really not.” She responds with a chuckle of her own. ”But...you are. And because of that, I will subject myself, and our home to the stinky creature.”

Toni laughs and Cheryl’s entire being beams of joy. She loved Toni’s laughter. Loved how it made her feel. So she basks in it. For it’s been so long that she could genuinely enjoy an action that most take for granted. She inched closer to the small frame that sat next to her; studying the curious eyes that gazed upon her. 

“No kids?”

Cheryl rolls her eyes.

“Really?” Toni asks. Her left eyebrow lifting upward. “Based on how you explained my past self, I think I'd have convinced you about kids.”

“Highly doubt it.”

“Hmm...so you’d relent for a dog, but kids are completely off the table?”

“Yes.” Cheryl said with sincerity. Toni just giggles as she curls up on the couch to get comfortable, and her heart warms for the uptenth time in the brunette’s presence today.

“So what would we have named our dog.”

Cheryl thinks for a moment before answering. “Olive.”

“Olive. I like it…” Toni says as she reaches for a few pieces of the popcorn that sat in a bowl in Cheryl's lap. “...although Yoshi sounds cooler.

“Oh really?”

“Yes.” Toni answers, mimicking the serious sounding yes the redhead said thirty seconds ago. It was Cheryl’s turn to laugh then, rolling her eyes as she popped a kernel of popcorn in her mouth, before unmuting the television to start up another one of Toni’s favorite movies. 

“A shame…” Toni says with a sigh. “...We would have made beautiful babies.”

Cheryl whips her head around to look at the side profile of the woman beside her. 

“Don’t.” she says so faintly Toni might not have heard her if she wasn’t so close to her. 

She faces Cheryl, their faces inches apart from each other. “What?”

“You can’t do that Toni. Say things to me like that. I know you didn’t mean any harm, but you can’t do that. Ok?” 

Toni stares at her deeply then nods in understanding. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. It’s ju-just that...I don’t know. I don’t remember anything, not even these movies, or this food…” That made Cheryl’s heart drop in her lap. “...But being around you-near you-feels so familiar and easy.” Toni exhales heavily. Eyes sad and confused and lost. “Sometimes I feel like something deep down inside of me is connecting with all of this, but my mind is having a hard time catching up. It’s not fair to either of us. And I can only imagine how my words and actions are affecting you. I don’t want you to suffer anymore than you already have Cheryl. I’m sorry.”

Toni moves to leave, but Cheryl pulls her back in place by her elbow. 

“Toni…”

“I better go before we cross a line we will regret. You’re vulnerable, and I’m...I’m-not well. And on top of all that, I’m with someone. And she’s struggling with all of this too. I want you to help me get my memory back, but we can’t cross that line Cheryl. It’s quickly getting too blurry for me and for you.”

It hurt Cheryl to hear the truth of Toni’s words, but she heard them nonetheless. And she agreed. Things between them were magnetic, and it was just a matter of time before the two charges connected. 

Cheryl rose from the sofa; Toni following suit. Neither said a word, just looking at each other with so much regret. 

“Do you think you could meet me at your winery tomorrow evening around noon? I want to take some pictures of you there before the magazine’s reporter comes Friday. That way all they have to do is choose the ones they want for the magazine and my identity won’t be compromised.”

The redhead nods. “I thought you wanted your identity known now.”

“I do, but I need to discuss it with my agent first.”

Cheryl nods in understanding.

“Thank you for tonight Cheryl. My taste in movies was pretty cool. However, my choice of foods is a bit suspect.”

Cheryl dolefully smiles. “I managed to add a few leafy greens to your diet.”

“I believe it.” Toni rasps. 

And then, like they’ve done since the moment they met, before the two women say their daily goodbyes, a juncture of time is shared between them. Honey brown hopeful orbs search rich brown wishful ones. Fingertips itch to reach for a soft hand. Three little words demand to be sung from a mouth with red lips while another three words whisper from the other set of lips. Three different words. Three different phrases. Yet akin in circumstances that only belong to these women. 

_ I miss you. _

_ Who am I? _

_ I need you. _

_ Don’t give up. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	9. Coincidences Don't Exist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T/W: Mentions of pill usage. Very brief.

When Toni came back to her hotel room, sleep was null and void for her that night. The constant head trips her mind went through were unlike her previous dreams. Yes, the same blurred events occurred; although, chunks of the red woman’s face appeared and disappeared this time. Her voice echoed sweetly around the abyss of her mind. Her laughter reverberated like an echo over the highest plain. And when she had awakened, she had a hard time deciphering the new insert of dreams she had of the redhead. She tried to determine if these dream sequences were either from her unfamiliar past, or from just being around her for the last four days. Especially the close proximity shared between them in her home some six hours ago. Yet, that didn’t equate for the flash of red satin sheets she saw her and Cheryl curled under, for she never ventured past the kitchen; let alone limbs intimately scalloped over slender thighs in a bed unbeknownst to her. And neither has the split second burst of them dancing closely, cause that most certainly did not happen.

It was all too much for Toni to handle, so at 3:15am, she decided to denounce sleep for the night, opting instead to head to the twenty-four hour gym at the hotel she occupied and run a few miles on the treadmill until her overworked brain couldn’t think of anything other than her aching limbs. Once she was back in her room, she showered the sweat from her body, and slid back into bed, falling asleep the second her head hit the pillow, only to be awakened again an hour later by another tormented dream-a new one this time. Two guys towered on either side of her. Both men adorned the same black leather jacket as her. Toni shoots her back off the pillow. Confused and slightly frightened. She runs her hands over her face and through her hair with a frustrated groan followed by...

“Shit!”

XOXOXOXOXO

For Cheryl, last night was tough. Her determined expectations for Toni to remember were high, honestly, they were beyond so.

She had an entire spread of her favorite snacks and drinks, along with her top three crime/ drama movies bought and downloaded to her television . Cheryl never was a big crime buff until Toni introduced them to her one cold rainy day after school. The two girls cuddled up closely together in front of an old model television that sat atop an unvarnished table in Toni’s homey trailer on the Southside of Riverdale, the feelings of attraction for the other ever present not yet spoken for fear of losing the friendship they had created. Last night was the first time since the accident she viewed them. All the memories from their first movie to their last came to mind every so often as the night proceeded. She even lit one of her favorite scented candles, confident that by having every box checked, sight, smell, taste, the love of her life would most certainly remember something.

Right?

Wrong.

The night was a total bust. Cheryl felt like she let Toni down after promising her that it would help. But it didn’t. If anything it made the complicated situation even more so. Cheryl felt like she had pushed the brunette, forcing her in a position that she wasn’t ready for. But in her defense, she was desperate for Toni to come back to her. All of these years-five to be exact-the mourning, the uncontrollable anxiety that choked her sensibilities, the wailing tears that rocked her to sleep night after agonizing night, and the vodka that assisted on those days that the grief was just intolerable. Every room and its nook and cranny reminding her of the woman she had lost.

And on her birthday no less! No birthday was the same ever since.

But as crash and burn as the night appeared, she surprisingly awakened the following morning refreshed and determined as ever. Cheryl had shaken the night off as if the negatives never happened.

Toni is ALIVE!

The Goddess of this wonderful universe saw fit to bring her back to her. Maybe not intact, but with some time, the memories will be recaptured. And Her Toni will return to her again.

The persistent redhead jumps out of bed and readies herself for the day. By eight that morning, Cheryl finds herself sitting across from her two best friends, who enveloped her in the worst ordeal of her life, as they ate fruit parfaits and egg white omelets at their cute little breakfast nook, the extra large window overlooking the pool outside their patio gave way to the bright and warm sunny morning. Veronica had it added on a year ago after Josie had seen something similar at one of her music producer friend’s home and just couldn’t live without it.

The two love birds sit close to each other, Veronica giggling at something Josie says to her in her ear. Cheryl was used to the two of them getting lost in each other; absorbing themselves in their little moments. It was hard for her to see them so endearing with one another for a long time, but as much as it hurt and reminded her of her own flirtatious banter infused with soft touches and naughty giggles her and her mon amour use to share, she didn’t want them to stop for her benefit. Every moment with the person you love was precious and tender, and from experience, she knew first hand how treasured small moments were, for they could slip away faster than the snap of a finger. Nevertheless, she would be lying if she said that it didn’t affect her. But this day, not as much.

Toni is Alive!

And she WILL get her Back!

All of HER!

Veronica stifles a giggle after glancing across the table at her best friend. She lightly squeezes Josie’s thigh as she cuts her eye at the redhead. Clearing her throat she shifts forward in her seat.

“Sorry girl. This one here can’t get enough chocolate.” Josie teases with a nod of her head towards her girlfriend. Veronica feigns shock looking at her girlfriend before turning back to Cheryl. “She’s not wrong though.” Cheryl smiles as she takes a sip of her coffee.

“So, how are you Cher?” Josie asks

“I’m good.”

“So when do you think Toni will be ready to meet us?” Veronica asks. The gleam of hope in her eyes clear as the day.

“That’s why I came by. I was thinking of having a small gathering. Nothing fancy. Just me, the two of you, Fangs, and...maybe…” Her voice grew small before saying, “SweetPea.”

Cheryl watched as the two women attempted to contain their excitement.

“Do you think she’s ready?” Veronica asks.

Cheryl nods. “Yes. I think so. I will be mentioning it to her today. The photoshoot will be wrapping up in a few days. And the fundraiser for kids charity will be held that weekend. So, I was thinking after all is complete that I could throw the gathering then.” Cheryl nervously says. “Do you think it’s too soon?”

“The sooner she is introduced to us all again I think the faster Toni will start to remember.” Josie says with confidence. “You’ve been with her the most Cheryl. If you think she’s ready then she is. We’re following your lead here girl.”

Cheryl nods in agreement. “And I want to thank you two for being patient. I know this has been hard on you too. It’s just the situation is fragile you know?”

“We know.” Says Veronica, “And we know it’s been rough on you too.”

The redhead shakes her head. “Oh I’m fine V. Better than I have in years.” She proclaims in a happy octave.

“Ok…” Josie giggles at her friend's joyous tone. You know we are here for whatever. Whenever.”

“Trust me. I know.” She says with a breathy laugh, thinking about the countless days and nights she had literally been too distraught to even feed herself in the first year of losing Toni. It was beyond hard. The hole in her heart felt as if it never would be filled; believing that this was how the rest of her life would be, filled with an emptiness as dark and unforgiving as a black hole, spinning her down farther and farther down, falling deeper and deeper into the abyss. If it wasn’t for her friends, she wouldn’t know how she would have survived. Realizing how grateful she is to have them in her life, she reaches for each of their hands across the table. They each accept a hand without hesitation.

“I love you guys.”

XOXOXOXOXO

After talking with her agent for the last hour and a half and finally convincing him that revealing her identity was good for her and her career and ultimately her decision, she was tired. She is utterly grateful to him, hell, look at her, one of the well known and most sought after photographers in the country, a New York Times best seller, none of this wouldn’t be possible without her agent, however; he could be a pain in the ass sometimes. But she can’t deny the mysteriousness that fueled her popularity, not knowing who she was or how she looked grew into an obsession for most of the critics in the art world and fans alike, but after a while, people began to study her work more, and saw the raw beauty in it, and it got to the point that finding out who she really was took a back seat. Today is definitely one of these days. She has to remind him at times that she gets the final say in all matters, especially this one. In order for him to see it her way, she had to explain all that was going on with her right now. Her agent already knew about her memory loss and all the tragedy it entailed. Sometimes she used that as an advantage to rope him her way. Worked every time.

But now, she feels drained. So, obviously when her iPhone rang seconds later she didn’t have the strength to speak another word. Not bothering to look to see who was blowing her up, she began to dress for the day and gather her camera equipment for the shoot she had with the redheaded CEO of Maple Blossom Corporation today. Thinking about seeing the woman today made the fatigue dissipate a bit. The photography contract was coming to an end. A few more snapshots and that’s it. As she cleaned the lens of her camera, she began to be disappointed at the thought of not working with the redhead anymore. What was to become of this uncommon situation they were in? Would it all end after the photography contract ends? Will Cheryl want to keep her promise to her afterwards? The thought of it all left an overwhelming sadness in the pit of her stomach. She takes a quickened breath and shakily releases it. She doesn’t get to hamper on that fear because her phone rings again. It rings a few times before she gets the strength to answer, but by the time she reaches it it has stopped. Recognizing who had called, she shakes her head and stuffs her phone in her back pocket before carefully packing her camera equipment in her bag and heading out the door.

“Not now Heather.”

XOXOXOXOXO

Immediately after Cheryl and Toni met up at the winery, Cheryl had to be whisked away to handle an emergency at her company that could only be handled by her. Once it was handled fifteen minutes later, she noticed Toni sitting on a stone bench underneath a row of grapevines, head down, shoulders slumped, feet crossed at the ankles.

Oh how many dreams had she dreamt of seeing her lying underneath the sweet green vines, basking in the beauty that surrounded their vineyard; soaking up the sun’s rays, altering her complexion to a warm brown sugar, but never had she conjured in her imagination how the way Toni looks before her now.

As Cheryl gets closer, she notices that her phone is nestled in her small hand. As she proceeds closer, she hears a female voice on the other end. She pauses in her tracks, not wanting to intrude, she quickly turns, but the crunch of tiny rocks underneath her heels betrays her. And the sound of her name from the tender raspy voice she misses beyond comprehension forces her to face the woman she pines for, and the look on her face causes her feet to carry her to the brunette before her brain catches up.

“Toni?” The concern slips from her tongue as she positions her slender form beside her. “What’s the matter?”

Toni bows her head lower as Cheryl leans hers to meet the brunette’s eyes. “I’m sorry. Just a bit overwhelmed today. Got a lot of shit going on right now. You know?”

Cheryl looks down at the phone that’s nestled in the woman’s hand. “No need to apologize. Would you like to talk about it?”

The redhead watches as she shakes her head. The birds surrounding their atmosphere cut through the short silence until Cheryl rises from the stone bench she shares with the brunette.

“Walk with me?”

Toni examines the woman that stands over her. The sun highlighting the red curls around her was ethereal, causing the photographer to be in awe of her for a moment. She glanced at the hand that was outstretched for her. She accepts the offering this goddess presents her. The tenderness-the comfort of her offer drawing her in. So she takes it.

\-----------------

Toni grants herself permission to indulge in this peaceful crux as the two women walk around the vineyard in silence, hands loosely connected; enjoying the gentle vibrations of nature that surrounds them, the happy chirp of the birds that fly above and around the garden like structure, smelling the sweetness of the grapes with each easy inhale of breath, each row as aromatic as the next. The atmosphere as pleasant and as relaxing as their companions.

Cheryl stops in front of a row of ripe grapes, plucks one from it’s vine, and hands the purple fruit to Toni who in turn accepts it from red manicured fingers and pops the grape into her mouth. Cheryl giggles when she sees Toni’s reaction to the burst of juice that explodes inside her mouth.

“Good yes?”

Toni nods as she swallows the juicy fruit following a giggle of her own.

“No wonder your wine is so tasty.”

Suddenly, Toni watches Cheryl take a step towards her. A light breeze carries a few of the strands of hair that were once on her cheek away. Breath yields to cooperate as the redhead moves to wipe a drop of juice from the corner of her mouth.

Then, a shift. An interlude in time occurs. The action causes both women’s hearts to skip a beat. Cheryl’s thumb pauses, lingers at the corner of her long lost lover’s lip. Her warm skin tingling for being so near. The uncontrollable sweep of her thumb underneath her bottom lip left both women frozen in the moment.

Oh how the redhead longed for those luscious lips to be pressed against her own. All she has to do is lean forward just so and she could long for them no more. But before she could make the spontaneous decision, Toni does it for her with the clear of her throat and a step from her touch. Although, she didn’t miss how her lower lip trembles before biting it between pearly white teeth.

Cheryl sees the confusion that arises over her features and quickly does what she can to replace it.

“It would be unfair of me to take sole credit Toni. All of this…” she waves her arms out towards the vineyard, ”... was your idea. Hence the name Antoinette Winery. I was nearly fulfilling the dream you had for us.”

“Us?”

Cheryl nods as she hooks her arm around Toni’s and continues their stroll.

“A few months before...everything happened, you were working tirelessly on this wine recipe that included my family’s maple syrup. You said you wanted something that we both could have together. After your shift at the Whyte Worm you would stay over to work on your wine recipe.”

“Whyte Worm? What’s that?”

“It’s a bar that you worked at during high school. You were a bartender there.”

“Wait a minute. I worked at a bar in high school? That’s so badass.”

Cheryl laughed breathly, nodding at

“Who would dare hire a teenager to tend a bar?”

Cheryl grew quiet, debating whether or not to tell her her past. Was she ready to know? Could she handle it?

“Cheryl please tell me.” Toni pleads, breaking the debate roaming inside her head. “How am I supposed to remember if you don’t let me know my past.”

Toni was right. How was she to come back to her if all of her was not told. This is a part of the promise she had made to her to bring her memory back. So with a lick of her lips and a tug on the brunette’s arm she began.

“The Whyte Wyrm is a bar owned by F.P., the man who raised you since you were three years old.” Cheryl paused to let the new bit of information sink in; watching Toni with the corner of her eye as they continued their walk.

“F.P. and your mom were best friends. They were thick as thieves. If you saw one of them the other wasn’t far behind.”

“Is he my-

“Father? No. Your dad was a firefighter. H-he died six months before you were born trying to save an old lady out of a burning building. He was a hero. Saved her life by shoving her out the door just before it collapsed.”

Toni didn’t say anything; however, the slight stammer in her step was visible to the redhead. She just held on to the smaller woman’s arm a bit tighter.

“F.P. was there for you and your mom like always. More so even.” Cheryl paused to gather the courage to tell the rest. “A year after you were born your mom took ill. Cancer. You were three when she passed.”

The shiver Cheryl felt run through her long lost love reverberated coldly through her own anatomy. Cheryl stopped them in their tracks and faced her. She took a hand in each of her own and placed her forehead gently against hers.

Toni closes her eyes and attempts to absorb the energy the redhead offers. She tries to inhale, but it catches in her throat. “Damn.” she whispers.

“I should not have told you. You weren't ready.”

“Who would be ready to hear some shit like that?” She closes her eyes tightly, attempting to absorb what she’s been told of her past. “But I needed to know. Thank you.”

They stand there for a while. Foreheads pressed together, fingers snugly clasp as the warmth of the sun beams down on their bodies.

Toni finds comfort in Cheryl’s touch. Strength in her warmth, and she doesn’t want to let go. But the stress of the day-her loss of sleep from her dreams, the meeting with her agent, the constant unanswered calls and voicemails from Heather.

Now this.

Dammit it’s too much.

Toni moves to leave, but the redhead wraps her arms around her back, pressing her body into hers. Cheryl closes her eyes, relishing in the feel of the woman she loves pressed against her, yet being present in the moment; realizing the jumble of emotions that penetrates throughout her.

“Toni...please...talk to me.” She whispers in her ear.

The brunette shakes her head. And in the smallest voice she has ever heard herself speak in says. “Just a long night. And a rough morning. And now this...I can’t...I just...I don’t know. I feel like I’m drowning.”

Cheryl gently pulls away from her and leads her to another stone bench near the entrance of the vineyard. Toni looks at her and sees the concern gloss her features. The care that she possesses over her inspires her to open up to the redhead.

“Dreams.” The photographer feels her cell vibrate in her back pocket of her jeans and scoffs. She pulls it out and turns it off without checking to see who was calling, shoving it back into her back pocket afterwards. “Always dreams.”

Cheryl nods; waiting for her to elaborate. When she doesn’t she asks. “What did you dream about?”

“They’re never complete. Just fragments. Broken little pieces that leave me so damn confused.”

Cheryl nods knowingly, recalling Toni telling her how her visions occurred before. “You want to tell me about your dream from last night? It could help.”

“We have work to do Cheryl. We don’t have time to…”

“Nonsense. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I own this shit. We have time cause I say we do.”

That got a smile from the brunette. She took a deep breath and spoke.

“You.”

Cheryl furrows her brows. “Me?”

Toni nods. “Yes. You. Last night...the reason I couldn’t sleep... I saw you in this bedroom. You were under these deep red sheets. They looked like satin and...and I was lying next to you, Laughing. Happy. Then another flash of us appeared. We were dancing...at a club maybe.”

Cheryl smiled. “My bedroom had red sheets.”

Toni looked at her in shock. “Am I interpreting something I remembered from the photos you showed me? Or…” she drifted off, unsure of what to say next.

Cheryl shrugs. “There are pictures of the bedroom we shared, but not of us in bed together. And there was a club we frequented, but I don’t recall any pictures of us there. The mind is tricky sweetheart. But I think your dream sequences are a good thing.”

“Yeah?” Toni asks with hope dripping from her tone.

Cheryl nods. “Yes. The fear is not the dreams. Not having them is the fear.”

Toni looks from Cheryl to a pair of butterflies fluttering in front of them and smiles. She’d never thought about it that way before. Not being around the people that connected her to them made her cling to that fear; it cowered her to be convinced into taking pills to get rid of them.

Toni runs her hand through her hair, the creases in her brow telling of her frustration. She watches the pair of butterflies flutter away before speaking again.

“Later that night I saw something new. There were two guys on either side of me. They had dark hair and we were wearing these black leather jackets.”

"That would be Fangs and Sweet Pea more than likely."

"No Cher I saw people, not pets."

Cheryl froze. Her heart thumped hard against her chest. Did she hear what she thought she heard?

“Cheryl?”

“You called me Cher.”

Toni lifts an eyebrow. “Did I? I didn’t notice. I…”

“That is what you called me. Cher.”

The brunette’s eyes grew big with excitement. “Really?” She asks with a rise in her voice and hope laced in her tone.

Cheryl exhaled a joyful breath and expelled a tear from the corner of her eye as she nodded her response.

“This is good right?” Toni faithfully asks.

Cheryl just nods furiously and places her hands on Toni’s cheeks. The joy from the progress achieved, causes Cheryl to lunge forward and place her lips on Toni’s. The split second she realizes what she had done she abruptly pulls away, apologizing profusely for breaking the boundaries between them.

She moves to leave, but Toni catches her hand before she does so.

“Toni I’m sorry. I…”

“Don’t.” The photographer shakes her head. “It’s ok. These emotions of ours are on ten for both of us. I called you by a name that obviously was very intimate between you and…” She drifts off, looking down at the redheads hand that was in her lap. “Maybe it was a coincidence.”

“I refuse to believe it was. Your dreams aren’t coincidences.” Cheryl’s demands calmly. “You being drawn to this part of California isn’t. Us seeing each other at that gas station-out of all the gas stations wasn’t. The connection you feel to me is not coincidence. What about the photos Toni?” Cheryl squeezes her hand. Coincidences are just things that will eventually happen anyway.”

Toni laughs softly through her nose, looking down at their conjoined hands and nods.

“Ok.” She responds, looking back at the redhead.

Cheryl smiles back at her and nods back at her. “Ok.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the ending. I just really wanted to get this chapter out. 
> 
> But don't worry. Next chapter is gonna be full of drama.  
> Thank you guys for reading. I hope you are still interested in the story.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you guys think!


End file.
